That Summer When She Cried

Those Sunny Days That Meant Hello

Stories that came from the past involve people who were included in the start. It may be history but they are meant to be parts of our lives for forever. And when everything becomes so jumbled, we have to choose. We have to choose to live in the present.

-Andie

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Gulong gulo na yung utak ko, hindi ko alam kung alin ang uunahin ko sa lahat ng bagay na nangyayari. Is this karma? Because if this is, I would gladly take them all if it would make me someone worthy of Luke and Tanya's forgiveness.

Hindi ko alam bakit ko sya inaway pero nung mga oras na nakita ko si Luke, naramdaman ko yung takot na pwede syang mawala sa akin anytime. Not because of Tanya but because of any reason for physical separation.

When Luke overheard our argument, he started throwing tantrums. No one among us was prepared for it and I guess the only way that we were able to escape that temporarily was when he saw his legs with a cast and he couldn't bend it the way he used to. And it was Tanya who ran first to get to him. Gusto ko syang hatakin para ako ang kumausap sa kanya pero hindi ko magawa dahil nakikita ko kay Luke kung sino ang gusto nya makasama. Jeric was behind my twin and I saw Kevin silently go out of the room.

I wanted to go after him and explain but I knew it wasn't the right time to do so. I had to give him time to take things on his own and think what he would do next. Masyado pang madaming problema para intindihin ko sya sa ngayon. But do not get me wrong. Ayokong mawala si Kevin.

Above anything else, I have always seen him as the rainbow after a bad rain. And I silently prayed he would still bring it after this.

I needed to go home to get some of our items and I was busy preparing when I was told by our helper na tumawag ang mga magulang namin. That time, they were in London. They have settled after I decided to study there. I returned their call and before it ended, they promised to be home. Nasa ospital ako when they arrived and Luke was somehow delighted when he saw them. Tanya wasn't happy though.

Hindi ako naghahanap ng kakampi. I just felt so helpless and I needed someone to help me and Tanya fix our issues. Nakakapagod na. We've been arguing for the past six years and I just want to put an end to it.

As expected, they clashed again. I know Mom tried to bridge the gap between her and my twin but let's admit it. Tanya can be hard headed too at times. She's strong and carefree but forgiveness is one of her weaknesses. She finds it hard not to overgeneralize things and people. Kaya nga gaya ng sinabi ko dati, Jeric indeed became her miracle.

And Mom I know is too much of a dictator. Kahit naman ako, sabihin man ng lahat ng tao na ako ang favorite ni Mommy and Daddy, hindi ko ginusto yun. It left me dependent to them while they set high bars for me to reach unlike Tanya who was left on her feet so she discovered the world on her own.

I want our family to reconcile. I know it is hard but I hope we will in due time.

I was alone with Luke that afternoon. Umuwi sandali sa bahay sila Mommy while Tanya went somewhere with Jeric. Luke was quiet and I sat beside him.

"There's something I want to tell you, Luke," I told him. Hindi ko alam saan ako kukuha ng lakas ng loob para magsabi ng totoo. "I know it would be hard to understand it but I hope you'll try. It's also okay if you will get mad at me or if you want to punch me. I'll accept it."

"Are you taking me away from my mommy?" he asked me while hiding on his covers.

I took a deep breath. "It's not like that, Luke. I'm not taking you away from anyone. B-But... You came from me, honey. I'm your real mommy."

"My mommy's name is Tanya!" he screamed. "Don't tell me you are! You just look the same but it's not you!"

"Do you remember the time when you saw me crying last Mothers Day? I was jealous because you love your Big Lady so much. It was my fault that you don't call me that way and I'm so sorry I wasn't as strong as her - " I started getting too emotional. Hindi madali at hindi maganda sa pakiramdam na itaboy ka ng anak mo.