That Summer When She Cried

That Day When The Women Just Let Him Take Over

If I used to be Batman in Luke's eyes, I was the victim who needed a hero in Jeric's. He was always around and he was just there, ready to save me when I fall, ready to risk something. It makes me weaker and weaker. It makes me want to sit in one corner and let everyone show how wounded I am. For sure, it would be him who would walk up to me and offer to heal those wounds.

-Tanya

--

She sat straight and bothered while looking around. Mom was quiet at first and I knew it was about her. There was nothing to talk about but her.

"I'm sorry for the way I behaved last night," she started after taking a deep breath. There was silence between us for a very long time. I didn't answer. It wasn't right to say it was okay because it wasn't. "How are you?"

I shrugged. She knew I got drunk. It looked obvious with the way I looked.

"Why don't you like her?" I asked her back.

Another sigh. I know she was thinking of the best way to say it without hurting me too much. Mom was rubbing her palms on the armrests of her chair.

"I was scared. I got scared for you," she answered. Then there was a long pause. "It's not that I don't like her for you. But I'm not saying I like her either. Maybe I was thinking you have to know her better or maybe you have to think again."

"Is it because she has a love child?"

"Yes," she admitted in the end. I was about to stand up and leave but she stopped me. "Please, don't think that I am being judgmental, anak. I saw how cool she was as a mother and she was nice in fact when we met. I just... I just felt scared that you'll get hurt somewhere along the way if you'll push it thru."

"I don't understand you, Mom."

"I know, I know this is all confusing and I know I can't justify it well. It was as if my maternal instinct was telling me that you shouldn't push it thru. I'm not saying never, but maybe not now," Mom told me. "Jeric, when I said I admired her when I first saw her, that was true. Until now. It's just that I don't think you should take it now."

"Kelan pa? Pag nagsawa na sya sakin?"

"No, Jeric. It's different if the person you are with has a child. It's not like any regular relationship you had. Mas madaming complications, mas magulo and you don't know what would happen next," she said. It was evident that my mom was worried. "Mas seryoso. Mas madaming responsibilidad."

"Ma, are you thinking I do not know that? And that I'm not capable of being responsible?"

"Jeric, anak, I know responsable ka but that responsibility is very much different from being Tanya's boyfriend," she defended.

Mali. Sobrang mali.

"Mommy, Tanya has had enough of such judgment. Please, ayokong sa akin manggagaling ang kahit anong ganyang klaseng salita," I told her patiently. "Yes, she has a kid but it doesn't make her less of who she really is. Ma, she's wonderful. Just like the first time you met her. She will always be like that."

"I'm not being judgmental, Jeric. I just want you to make sure that you know what you are doing," she said. "Hindi madali yung sitwasyon nya."

"Mom, I already told her I love her. She said no but I'm going after her. No buts," I told her. I stood up and hugged her. "I'm not disrespecting you. Thank you for always being my mom and for always telling me what's best. I just... Don't think I can let her go."

I saw my mother's pained face.

"You know that I love you and I always let you do what you want," she told me.