That Summer When She Cried

Part I: Those Thunderstorms and Holocausts Of A Bitter Past

Pain, anger, selfishness, love, past, hatred - these things would always be what it is no matter what you put around it, no matter how well you hide it. It will always feel the same, it will always mean the same.

-Tanya

--

Kevin and I went to see Luke's recital.

As expected, Tanya wouldn't be there which is perfectly fine whenever it happens because it gives me a chance to be with my son and do what I should be doing. He did good and Kevin beside me was smiling the whole time we were watching the performance. He's fond of kids even if he doesn't know how to handle them properly and it made me wonder what he would do if he finds out about Luke. His parents are fond of kids, related or stranger, and my subconscious was telling me to relax because there wasn't anything to worry of.

When he went down the stage, I immediately hugged him tight. I was the proudest, yet concealed, mother that moment. I kissed him all over and stopped when I realized he wasn't moving.

He wasn't even smiling.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked him.

"Is my mommy coming?" he asked me with his saddest voice. I knew I could gather all the mothers in the world and present them to him but it will never be the same if it was my twin.

And I was the only mother who failed that time.

We went home straight after coming up with all excuses I could think of to cover up for Tanya. I know she gets off from class past 5 and if she would go home straight, she could have seen even the last part. I knew that even if Tanya would only see a second from the performance, he would be a happy camper. And he will start telling her all the stories behind the performance, everything that he felt and thought of.

And I wouldn't need to do anything but just watch and listen.

Feeling bad myself, I agreed when Kevin asked me to have dinner with him. Somehow, he has the ability of turning things around when the situation gets too low. I asked him to bring me to Baywalk. I needed some air.

And maybe some place to jump off when I want to.

We were about to go when I heard my phone ring, showing my twin's name. I wanted to ignore it but knowing how much she hated me, as much as I envied her, I knew it was important.

The next thing I realized, I was rushing to get inside the hospital. Kevin hasn't even gone out of his car yet when I reached the entrance. Jeric already told me where Luke's room is.

I found her with Jeric beside Luke's bed. He was sleeping peacefully with some tubes connected to him. It wasn't much but it still pained me seeing him that way.

All the anger I kept for Tanya just suddenly reached its limit and before I knew it, I slapped her and told her I wanted my son back.

--

I didn't really expect them to have a war.

I expected them to argue and blame it all up to me and her but not hurt each other thru words and overgrown pain. It was something worse than a blame, something deeper than a core.

I stood up to stop them from hitting each other but my ears were wide open with every single word that came out of their mouths.

"Sige, bawiin mo si Luke! Matagal mo ng dapat na ginawa yan! Pero ibalik mo sakin lahat ng bagay na nawala sakin dahil lang inako ko yung responsibilidad mo sa pagpapalaki ng anak mo!"

She stopped shouting at her younger sister after that. It wasn't because they were in a hospital nor because someone else was with them but because she knew deep inside that what Tanya said was a big slap to her.