My Baby Girl

Not Over You

One week earlier
*Ashley's POV*

I walk up the front steps, jitters running through my fingertips as I ring the doorbell. I've refused to address this situation, but I need to do it now before it's too late. I hear the front door click.

"Ashley?" Ryan says, looking surprised. I can tell he wasn't expecting company. He's still in his boxers I'm assuming he slept in, his hair is a mess and he's in desperate need of a shave.

"Hi." I say, suddenly feeling like an idiot for coming unannounced. "Uh, can I come in?"

"Yeah, Yeah sure." Ryan says, opening the door wide enough so I can slip inside.

"I'm sure you can tell that I wasn't expecting company." Ryan says, while motioning to the dinner leftovers on the counter and the dirty laundry stacks in the living room. I suddenly feel a pang of sadness for him. He must get really lonely here all by himself.

"It's ok. It's my fault. I should have told you I was coming, but I was afraid that you were-" I stop and look at Ryan who's waiting patiently for me to go on.

"Never mind." I finish, shaking my head. There's a few awkward moments of silence before Ryan breaks it.

"So, um, why exactly are you here?" He asks, sinking into an arm chair. I do the same.

"Well, I wanted to apologize for the way I reacted the other night after you...I...we...um-"

"It's ok. You don't have to say it." Ryan interrupts, much to my relief.

"Thank you. I also want to apologize for not following up after the...incident. I guess I just thought it would complicate things even more if I did." I look down at the floor.

"It's ok, Ashley. I understand. It was way out of line for me to do that. I don't even know why I did. I guess I just forgot where we are now, for a brief moment I thought we were teenagers again." He scratches his head nervously. I bite my lip and nod, neither of us saying anything.

"Does Tyler know?" Ryan asks, catching me off guard. I look up, feeling guilty.

"No."

"Oh." Ryan says, and nothing more follows. Suddenly the long pause of silence becomes too much to bear and my emotions are about to explode.

"Ryan, I've been trying to figure out exactly what I'm going to say to you for a long time. That's why I didn't return your calls. After what you did to me, I've found it hard to even look you in the eyes because of all the pain you caused me. I have been trying to view you as a friend, but I can't anymore." My voice trails off and Ryan looks ashamed and offended.

"I know Ashley. I'm sorry. I won't bother you anymore. I'll go. I'm sorry I hurt you, and I'm sorry I kissed you. You have every right to hate me." He says, and for the first time I think ever, he looks as though he's about to cry.

"That's the thing." I sigh before continuing. "I've been trying to convince myself that I hate you. I've been trying to convince myself that the kiss meant nothing to me, but I- I can't. I want to. I want to hate you, no offense. I can lie about it. I can lie about it over and over, but nothing can change what I already know." I look down and take a deep breath before continuing. Ryan leans closer and puts a hand on my knee. Tears of guilt blur my vision, and I swallow hard."

"I'm not over you, Ryan."

He stares at me, sighing heavily. I can imagine what he's thinking right about now. I basically just told my ex, who happens to be my daughter's father, that I still have feelings for him, while another man is at home picking out a suit that will match my eyes perfectly for our next date. What have I done?