Hardest decision
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"Aalis ka Tay?" She asked pagkalabas niya ng banyo.
Palabas na sana ako ng kwarto para bumaba at nag-iwan nalang ng note pero sakto naman na luamabas siya.
"Ah-oo sana. May pupuntahan lang ako Nay, babalik ako agad" I said, ni hindi man lang ako makatingin sakanya ng diretso.
"Saan ka naman pupunta? Almost 11pm na Tay oh, bakit? May problema ba?" She looks really worried and curious "May nangyari ba?"
"B-babalik ako agad. Saglit lang talaga" I said trying to avoid her questions.
"H-hindi ako pwedeng sumama Tay?" she asked at talagang nakatingin siya sa'kin, ano na?!
I sighed.
I don't want her to come dahil ayaw kong mag-alala siya sa nangyari kay Icah. I don't know, magulo ang utak ko and honestly I'm damn worried. Knowing na ako ang dahilan kung bakit naisipan ni Icah na magpakamatay ay mas lalo akong nababahala, I'm kinda guilty with what happen kaya hindi ko rin talaga maiwasang mag-alala.
It's just that, I know the feeling too. I've been in that situation. I tried to kill myself dahil sa tingin ko iyon na lang ang kailangan ko gawin to escape the world I am in. To escape the pain that I was going through that time. I was hopeless and desperate for remedy,for cure kaya naisip ko iyon and I was just lucky enough na nakita ako ni Tatay sa banyo almost lifeless kaya nabigyan ako ng another chance to live and it was all worth it.
I don't understand. I don't get it. Bakit kailangan gawin ni Icah iyon because of me? Her feelings and my feelings that time might be the same pero magkaiba ang sitwasyon namin! I was hurt because she left pero the main reason is about my parents, I was hopeless and angry at them pero si Icah? she has a controlling parents pero this favors her, kaya lang I just can't let what she wants happens.
"Tay? Okay ka lang ba? Ano ba nangyayari? Nag-aalala na ako sa'yo tay" She asked a series of questions at hindi ko talaga alam kung paano ko sasagutin ang mga ito.
"Nevermind. Si Ate lang iyon" I smiled at her.
I had to lie. I'm confused. I just don't want her to worry about things. She just went out of the hospital due to stress and I know part of it is because of my parents, and that stupid wedding that's about to happen.
"Si Laura? B-baka importante? K-kung confidential Tay, then sige. Pumunta kana" she smiled "Babalik ka ba agad?" she innocently asked and my heart ached slightly
It came in like a flash. Para akong nagising sa naging tanong niya, she knows nothing about the current situation pero here I am trying to spark some curiousity to her, stop it Elijha.
"N-nevermind Nay, pwede naman iyong ipag bukas." I smiled at binalik ko nalang ang susi ng kotse ko sa lalagyan. "Matulog na tayo?"
Agad akong pumunta sa kama at humiga. I feel really heavy right now, my heart is beating like it's carrying a heavy load and I know I have to calm myself or else mapapahamak din ako. It just feels like my mind is flying somewhere.
"Sure ka ba? Baka importante iyon Tay, o tawagan mo nalang kaya?" she suggested
"Nah, 'wag na Nay! I'll text her nalang na bukas nalang kami mag kita." I kissed her forehead "Tulog na tayo, pagod ka sa trip." I said and hugged her as we lay down the bed. "H'wag kana umasa ng trip to bataan ha?" natatawang tugon ko and she pouted all of a sudden.
"Grabeh ka sa'kin!" reklamo niya "Hay, salamat naman at magkayakap na ulit tayo. Namimiss ko talaga ang ganito level natin Tay! Nasasanay akong may kayakap sa gabi kaya hirap tuloy akong matulog doon, tapos sa tuwing tinetext kita tagal mo rin magreply eh no?! But, glad I get to do this again with you" she said kahit halatang antok na siya
