15 Reasons Why | "You Could Save Her?"

Cassette 2: Side A

I wanted to place the other tape in. I couldn't. I shouldn't be this interested, but it's Rikkun. And that's what's getting me. I get up and walk down the path. Away from the park and high school. Hesitantly, I place the next tape in.
I push Play.
Wow, tape number 2. Congratulations.
Thanks?
Wait why am I responding to a tape?
Onto the next player; Miguel. You sly black cat. A stupid cat. I got to know you better during Summer school. Along with two others whose names will be for later. You weren't a bad kid. I actually like you. But our relationship never lasted long, thanks to David and your mother. Miguel, I told you the problem with David. And what did you do? You sat with him. Laughed with him. You stabbed me in the back because he had you tied. Maybe he should be your girlfriend. Not gonna lie, I actually once shipped.
She giggles. That would be a little funny.
So what did my stupid 13 self thought at the time? "Hey, let's pretend to be together for this jerk to leave me alone". I told you this online when we played games. At that time I didn't like you, but we played on. You didn't seem bothered about it. Skip to maybe the Halloween dance, middle school. Because everything happened within 2 years. You dressed as a grim reaper. Which I have to say was pretty good. Me? I dressed at my favorite Jeager, Eren. Halloween is always my favorite. Since, like aways wasn't very much good songs, I just decided to sit on the bleachers. And you followed. "Wow, never been to any dance for a while now." You said.
"Yeah..it's pretty much crap."
"Fry had it better."
"Heh, I guess."
Your head darts away as if you saw someone. You look back to me. "Hey about this whole pretend thing..I was wondering. You know because, I like you."
"What are you implying?"
"I'm requesting you as my lady. Since you want to talk like that." You mocked but smiled.
I remember turning away from you in embarrassment, "Chivatsu!"
"Huh?"
"Sweet talker!"
You laughed and hugged me. The feeling, it was all too new. I liked it. You knew I accepted you. So, lets see..
October, November, December, January, and finally February. 5 months I guess. You never showed me love. You never showed anything. You pushed away by December. Forgot about my birthday in January. You never really bother buying small things to show that you appreciate me. The most you got me was a handmade bracelet, which now its broken. And a Eye necklace. A rusted one. I didn't mind. At the time, David was spreading rumors about me. Saying things like I was his girlfriend. I was raped. I was fucked by him. Did I miss any rumor? "Oh but Rikkun, you've forgotten about the hospital" you might ask. I haven't.
Hospital? I remember something about that.
Assistant principal office. The sheriff was there. The sheriff who laughed at me and didn't believe me.
"We're worried about you." Principal Maxille said.
"Your only worried about your jobs."
"Do you feel like hurting yourself?" He ignored my statement.
"I feel like killing myself. Thanks to you all. You seen me running. You saw me get pushed and knocked out and limp home. And all you do? 'Ring - around - the white boy.' This school is hell!" I broke down crying. The sheriff got up and walked out. He closed the door. "Rikkun, we are trying our best-"
"Fuck you." I snapped, "The best you did was letting this happened. I stand alone." I knew my words him. So they called for a ride to take me to the hospital. And if you saw me, I had my bag and police man take me. I wanted to talk to you, Miguel. But you made an excuse. You were too busy.
Jesus..Rikkun why did you even tell them that? Why wasn't I there? Oh, because I'm was somewhere else and had forgotten about you for the moment.
Aside from the hospital. Miguel, our days ended February 13. The day before Valentines. That was a great experience for me and for you. You never once held my hand. You never once placed a kiss. You didn't even try to talk in person. It was morning at that time. I've gotten a message from you.
"Good morning, madam." A favorite nickname you gave me aside from "Mistress".
"Good morning. Hey I'm kinda busy. I'll text back later! I'm practicing."
"You're always 'practicing'."
I've been practicing, as you all might know, something above Army training "school activities"; Private Classes. These classes are, supposing, underground. Not much people join. I wouldn't say it's risk taking, but the thrill and experience it shows, it's rather interesting. Anyways, Miguel, you were into that. The Army. Obsessed joining in. It seemed so. I kept this whole Army thing hidden for a while. Not because I fear of being judged, but because I didn't have an answer. And I still don't.
"It's important. I promise I'll text you back."
"Yeah yeah, whatever. I'm done."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm done! I'm done with these other people of your imagination. I'm sick of your lies. You're a mental! Even my mom says you are the caused of my stress and why I'm failing. It's over Rikkun."
By then you had already blocked me. From everything. Thanks, Miguel. I worried when you got sick. I worried when you supposedly "got broken into to".  You are a "momma's boy" and a big one. Which I don't have a big problem with, but it does catch up in a relationship.
Why, Rikkun, why would you keep this all away from others? I'd believe you. And I will.
I cried the whole day. That year I changed. I was afraid to love. Afraid that will happen again. All thanks to you. Miguel. Thank you for showing me that you "care and love" me.
I stopped in front of her house. Rikkun's house. There was no cars or any sort of life. No one lives in there. For the moment. There's no sale for it. Where did you go?..