15 Reasons Why | "You Could Save Her?"

Soldier's Orders

I held her up, keeping her in stand. "Why didn't you leave me?" She had asked. "Because you never left me," I smiled fighting back my tears. I helped her back into the car. Dusty was sleeping inside. "Clay?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you promise me something?"
"Anything baby."
"When things get hard in life for us, promise me that we'll fight through it. And stand together." Her eyes start to water up. I hold her tight, "Yes baby girl."

I remember when Gunther had told me how much she had cried. She never left me. She kept my photos and gifts. Smiling through the tears. He had told me that she was the blame of my doing. It wasn't her fault..I let her down like this. I dragged her in. The school did her wrong. I now understand what she had meant. The school. The situations. I understand. She had told me she'd wait for me. The day we...parted. "I'll wait for you, I love you." She never broke up with me. Even though I had said those words..she never gave up on me. Her friends had helped her while I was away. She helped me more than ever. I realize this a little too late, but I can fix it. I know I can. For her. This time it's for her! We promised not to cut. We promised we'd stay strong. She promised not to leave me, and I need to promise her the same. For her dear sake and mine. I love her. I needed her more than ever those days.

I kiss her forehead, "I love you. I always will. I promise."

She never gave in those days. She must've felt so cold without my hugs. My warmth and love. I should've fought back, I did so less.

Rikkun hugs me tightly, "I love you, Sanner."
"I love you too beautiful. I love you too." I sit next to her, holding her.

When we did get back together, it was hard. She was so scared and torn apart. She didn't have to but she did. Despite my mother's words and actions. She didn't care about them, she just wanted to see me. She wanted me. She waited for me. I know I did my part to talk to her. Any time I got. Rikkun was the only person in my life to understand me. To calm me. Those brown eyes of hers reminded me of coffee and hot chocolate. Honey in the sunlight. She waited. Kept her promise. And she helped me still..all she could do and face.

She nuzzles me, head buried on my neck. I sigh happily. Relieved. "We did some dumb shit. Huh?" She said and laughed at it for a moment. "Sure did. Worth it too." I laugh. We laughed for a moment and relaxed. "I'm glad. Either way, through the pain I'm glad we kept strong," she looks at me, "Sanner?"
"Yeah?"
She bites her lip a little, eyes glanced away for a moment. A glimpse of sorrow for a spilt moment. Then back to me. "You told me once I had a mother's instinct. Well..I'm more of your Guardian Angel. And I'm glad I could and always help." She smiles with a tear streaming down. I smile softly. "You mean a lot to me. Soul and whole," she had said trying to keep together. I hug her tightly, "I love you."
"I never stopped loving you," she cried. I look to the sky and wonder if the heavens made her to be sent down to me. Regardless of how tough her job could be. Her mother. Her father. Rikkun was strong to overcome all of this without them. She was still a little girl, God knows how much she can take on.

I close my eyes.

I'm happy she trusted Gunther. And I'm glad he tried to help her more than I could. All of this mess, it's over. My mess, I know it hurt her, and I should've done my best. I shouldn't have pressed on, but..She still stayed.

I look at the sunset. Heart ache. She can be my Guardian for the longest but it's now my duty to protect her. To return her favors. "It's OK, Rikkun." I brush her hair, "It'll get better soon. We will too."

She kisses my lips. There was that taste again. Sweet cherry lips. Soft and smooth. Fragile. I wanted this forever. She pulls away from it, and looks at the trees. "Y'know, I had always prayed for you. There had been nights were I could feel you. You're scent and whole," she smiles softly, "Maybe I'm a psychic too." She tears a little. I kiss her forehead. "Whatever you are, I love you."
"I love you too."

Dusty meows and sits on us.

I smile and pet Dusty.

When people had told me that she had left the school, from the drama and stress, I felt terrible. I wanted to talk to her so bad. Just to hold her, this whole crisis got to her too. She kept strong for me. Not to do anything stupid like me. I felt like she probably did cut a few times, to remind herself that hell always found her. I also think she did that, if she did, to remind her of me. A little girl like her shouldn't have been in all this. I remember asking her one day if she just wanted me for comfort. She said no. She loved me so much and still does. And when I stepped back in that school she still loved me. I could see ourselves at our old spots, flashbacks and all. She probably saw them too. Felt the same heartache as what I had felt. The fact that Rikkun kept a positive time when she had left made me a little better. She kept fighting for the longest. A war alone. I wonder if people helped her.

The question was..why did she wait for me?
Wasn't it obviously there in her face?
No...she had once told me she saw a future. So vivid and unable to explain.

She was the only person that made me happy. Alive. I brush her hair a little. "I'm sorry all this happened to you. It wasn't your fault, Sanner. And I'm not talking about human nature. I'm talking about relationships. Wise said. I know your people will always hate me. I can never get their love. And thats OK," she tells me so sadly, "I did my best to see you smile again. To make you feel happy. I was so happy you had found a way to contact me. I could never let you go just like that. Something was telling me not to, Clay." She looks to me with water in her eyes, "I think this was a bump on the road. It was meant Clay. Can't you see?" I nod my head. I understand now. "If you never cared about me. Or had moved on. You would have never texted me. Would you?"

I felt my heart sink. She had an awful good point. I couldn't let go of her, I still worried for her no matter what I did.

We hear the sound of sirens. Police. They were far away so it echoed. "Damn," Rikkun murmured, "We should go. My place is unsafe. The safe spots aren't safe for you. You're place is out of the question." Of course. My mother. Rikkun would want to avoid her. I would too. "I've got one last safe spot. But we have to leave the car here. It's already bad as it is. And we could get tracked with the car." Rikkun gets up and cradles Dusty in her arms, "We've got to go know, Clay."