15 Reasons Why | "You Could Save Her?"

Cassette 9: Side A

I know I had this tape for someone else, but I couldn't let this thing go. I don't know why either.

When we left to go back to Aubry's place, Chloe had forgotten about me. So there was my ride home. Gone.
"Guess I'll walk home," I say excusing myself to the door. Cody steps in, "Really? I haven't had a chance to talk to you."

I think you all know who's tape this is now. Cody's.

Two thoughts came to mind as that happened.

One: He has something up his sleeve.
Two: What does he know that I don't?

I asked what was the matter. "I just, look. I overheard something. And I want to help at least something."

"Flattering, but I don't think th-"
He cuts me off, "I know how you feel. I know it hurts. I know you want to runaway from it all."
"You don't know me."
"I do because I see it in you."

I suddenly remember Jesus's texts.

Cody you were kinda like him. More different and..shown maybe.

"I know you're hurting with bright colors. I'm amazed you still stood. Why?.."
"Because, I just..I don't know."
"Do you feel the need to leave them?"

Leave? Not once ever did I thought that. In fact I blocked that away from me. I didn't want to feel that hurt again. "No- I can't."
"Why?"
"Because..I just can't." I couldn't anyways. I was too weak. I didn't even want to lose someone again. Death point or relationship. Reason why, because I feel like I'd be the killer. And the words of "I told you she was no good" would finally appear. Right?

Cody holds my shoulders, "What's really wrong?"
"I'm fine!" I push him away. He bumps into Devon. And Devon spills his drink everywhere. It even spilled on me. "Oh shit! I'm sorry y'all," Devon laughs. "It's fine. I was just on my way to leave anyways," I say.
"In the rain?"
"Rain?"
I look the windows. It was raining. Maybe that day wasn't my day. "Oh.."

The boys insisted that I should clean myself. Cody persuaded me to shower, since the drink had an awful stain and smell. I took his word, just to make him hush. To get myself to think straight again.

He showed me to the bathroom and told me if I needed anything to shout his name. That's really nice of you Cody.

Too nice that I was expecting something from you. Strange.

He closes the door for me.

All I could think of was what I was going to do. About Clay and miss Raye. The school, everything.

I remember looking towards a spare new razor. I noticed how my veins were showing out, aching. I held myself ignoring it, but the feeling stayed. Like a demon beckoning me.

"Rikkun, you alright in there?" Cody shouts asking. "Y-yeah! I just..feel uneasy I guess."
Standing under the shower head with the warm water raining on me, it all felt uneasy. "Do you uhm..want me to come in?" He asks.
The curtains were pretty thick material. You couldn't see inside but you could see only a shadow from inside to out. "No! I'm fine!"
I don't need a bubble being popped. I'm good. Cody I dunno if you were just trying to get in and use me or actually cared.
I didn't know. "Sorry then?"
"It's fine. I just..need time alone."
"I understand. I just don't want you to do anything stupid in there," he says jokingly and really meaning it. "I won't," I said. I didn't. But the feeling did made me fidget and ache. I didn't stay for long anyways.