15 Reasons Why | "You Could Save Her?"

Hidden Feelings

"You hurt her enough." The man spoke, "you never knew how much you killed her inside. Larsson, let's go." He called out for Rikkun. Rikkun steps out of the car. Eyes so gray. "Rikku, no." I felt her glare at me.

"Dear old Rikkun, remember all the times he hurt you? Yet you still stayed with him? He chose her over you."

"That's not true!" It wasn't like that at all.
"Come with me Rikkun, he took you as a token."
I look back to Rikkun. How could I had hurt her so bad? She kept it all inside and I didn't even sense it. I was too happy with my damn pride and shit. My own selfish ways. I saw her tears slide down. "Rikkun.."
"Just shut up, Clay." She faced me, "You never bothered to ask how I felt. I missed our old days. It was always for you and never of me." She backs away and walked to Shinastae, "You made me feel so unwanted. Family too."

I felt my heart break.

Shinastae holds her shoulder glancing at me. "I'm surprised. Sanner, she gave you everything. Asked every minute to spend time with you. Did you questioned why?" I look to Rikkun. Gray watery eyes. "I didn't mean to hurt you-"
"You never do," Shinastae cuts me, "you hurt a little girl." He looks to her, patting her head a little, "And she stood strong to stand by you. This is how you repay her? Shutting her out and not even for once thinking of her?"

"But I love her- I wouldn't hurt her or anything. I stop my things for her. Just for her!"

"And your doings wasn't enough to heal the wound you gave her." He was probably talking about that intense apology I told Rikkun to do. After that things have been going south..I should have confronted my mom. That she was wrong and not Rikkun. I made her feel like a accused villain. I shouldn't have made her feel so depressed. Shinastae was feeding her evil lies. I know it. He was switching the words and images around. He had to. To get Rikkun to side with him. She went completely numb. Her eyes gave it all away.
What was I fighting for now? To show her that she meant everything to me? To show I didn't mean to do wrong? To prove Shinastae that I was worthy of loving her?

Shinastae brushes her hair, "No father's guide. It's hard for her, young boy. You shouldn't have scolded her for being so close to the other boys, but you should have treated her like your own daughter. That is to say, as your wife as well." I got what he meant. I felt terrible about it too. Rikkun gave me a final look. Eyes filled with sorrow. "Rikkun why didn't you tell me anything?" I pleaded.

"I did. Perhaps I was..perhaps I was to naive." Removing her jacket and lifting her shirt up. Seeing her cuts. The old and fainted ones. Even the new ones from days before her disappearance. "Feeling pressured by my side made me so depressed. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to hurt you or cause problems. I know I had control, but to live with it every day and night? I lacked sleep."

She must be talking about her family..everything did come into a hard hit for her.

"Rikkun..I'm trying my best to help you."
"Promise without a ring. A ring to promise, but no promise at all."

The promise ring. I never did afford one. That was one of her wishes for the longest, even before I had met her. Shinastae takes a good look at me, "Clay, she hasn't quite made her choice. Even from the fake texts you done. Showing you that she stood by you. You needed to fight for her too. Not just by your blood, both bloods." His hand grips her wrist, "She must have been waiting for you to knock on her door."

I felt that slam into my chest. Like a truck of bricks.

He pulls out an injection. Holding the sharp end to her neck. Rikkun didn't look so frightened, as if she's been through this so many times. Perhaps she did had lost her sanity as soon as Shinastae spoke. The numb filled her. Sober even? I caught my eyes with hers.
Small gloss.

I felt myself in a room. Cold. Dark. The colors were so gray. Was I in a flashback? Hers? I look to the bed. Rikkun pinned. Her arms pinned by two males. Covered in masks. And as a tall man stood, leaning over her I saw how scared she was. She didn't scream but she was begging.
"Please no.. please this isn't fair at all!"
"Prude little girl. You haven't paid up at all."
Injecting her veins. She screamed a little. Struggling, but that only made them pin her down more. "Go away!" She cried out, "That hurts! I don't want-"
The man covers her mouth, "You better shut up. Little girls like you should be obeying us. After this fun game we'll play I sure do hope you shake."
I wanted to shove the man away. Punch the other two in their throats. I couldn't. This was an old memory. Past.
They didn't do anything sexually to her. Teased her around because she was drugged up. Maybe liquored if that was possible. And when they brought the ropes. Tying her down unable to move, one of the boys started to hit her.
After that "fun" they cut her loose. The boy grabs her by the neck, "You'll always be a slut. Kill yourself now already." His hand lowers to her private, "Or I'll kill you for you.." he threw her down next to a wall.
I look to her. So helplessly shaken up. Beaten. Abused...

I look to Rikkun, still held by Shinastae. "She's staying with me." I said one last time. Despite my wound I aimed my gun at the man. "She isn't a dog with a leash. She's a girl who was mentally abused. Physically too. Verbally."

I click the gun. "You shouldn't be a leader."