15 Reasons Why | "You Could Save Her?"

Cassette 5: Side B

I remember how bad his breathe stank. His hand leads down to my neck and grasps. "You need to know where you stand, kitten." His voice became so low. Almost like a villainous person in any movie.

"I'm not a cat.." I said spitting on his face.

I swear if it was like in the movies, he would've growled like a bear.

His other hand hits, maybe scratched my right eye. My right.

He lets me go. I fall covering my eyes. It was bleeding, thank God. The pain burned. Ached. Pumped like a heart, pulsing and pounding.

He leaves with his friends. They didn't bother with me.

From that day and one, my eye became weak. My sight was less. Not exactly saying, "oh well your just blind" no. Its like taking a gunshot blow near your ear and you'd hope for no loss of hearing. Or whole ear. No I'm not saying this for you all to think of me as petty. I'm saying this and all before because you all can see and hear, but never dare to speak. So why tell me to speak? Because it happened to me? No. Who'd care? No one cares about you or me in this world. Get that through your skulls. Friends will leave and so will Family. Your eyes will open and you'll see different. Its sad. It hurts. But its there.

So why tell me something I could still do?

Damn..but that's not what we meant, did we?

That's why I led myself to contacts. Glasses were just..old to me. So I thought maybe if I looked different everything would stop. It didn't. I'm stupid to had thought that then. Now.

I was so hurt. I changed.

Remember that male side of me? The time others really thought I was a boy? Yeah..

I wasn't a monster, no..In fact I didn't know what I was thinking. Its blank.

Rikkun sighs.

Zandi. This is your tape. Z, you were really an amazing person. Your art was really good. Better then mine.

You showed me new games and the other side to well.."straightness".

We had gym together at that time. And you all know me, I, for some reason, hate girls. Certain girls I mean. Some are cool. Some are just..popular sluts. Heh.
Anyways, Z, you wanted to talk privately with me. So we went outside and talked on the metal benches. When I noticed you fidgeting around, hesitating to speak, I knew you had a thing going.
"I like you. Like..really like you. Something I never felt before." Is what you said. You were fresh. A green.
Z, honestly, hurtful, I never felt that way. And I didn't want to hurt you because you were a grade below me.
At that time, my relationship with Miguel was fucking up. So I didn't care.
"I..heh..geez, I don't know how to react," I chuckled. To me, it was kinda cool attracting the same sex. But again, I'd never fully fall into the chemicals. It wasn't for me. And I don't ever think it will.
You were twirling your hair. I grin softly. I know, Z.

"Uh..look, kid. Maybe we can work things out?" I asked.

"Really!?"
"Well..yeah. It doesn't hurt?"

Z, you jumped at me. Almost knocking me down. You hugged me so tight.

One
Two
One
Two
One
Two

The sound of the heart.

But my mind wasn't there.

We kept it our little secret. From your friends and mine. It was good seeing you happy.