Accidentally yours

Chapter 45

|Nikita|

Dear Virat,

I did it! I can't believe it, but I did it without you. It was incredibly difficult, enduring the pain alone when I needed your hand to hold during those agonizing moments of childbirth. When the doctors urged me to push with all my strength, I wished desperately for you to be there to calm me down. But now, it's all over.

Naira is here—our daughter, Virat! Just looking at her face makes me forget all the pain I endured over this past year. She came into my life as a beacon of hope, when I had almost given up on living. Before, I was merely surviving, but now, for her, I am truly living.

You are a father, Virat. Yes, you are! Trust me, all I want to do is shout it from the rooftops until my voice reaches your ears. Our three-month-old angel is lying next to me, curled up like a ball. Whenever I look at her, all the memories of our time together flood back. Every step you took away from me burned my soul inch by inch, and I was slowly descending into despair when you let go. If only you knew the agony that consumed my heart—maybe you would have stayed and never left.

I miss you. I know I've said it a thousand times, yet it never feels like enough. I wish you were here to witness her first moments. I'm scared, Virat. What will I tell her when she grows up and asks, "Where's my father?" She's the one who still gives me hope that you'll come back, and that everything will be alright. I wish—oh, how I wish, Virat—that you were here.

Another day. Another draft.

It was after Naira arrived that I finally found the words to write something.

One year—one year without him.

Nothing in this world can compare to how much I've missed him. I felt it deep in my bones—I missed him. If only there was something I could do.

It's been three months since I returned from the hospital with Naira. Anusha has been a true friend, the only one who stood by my side through it all. Mom insisted on coming, but I stopped her. I knew I would be weaker if she were here. How I wished—oh, how I wished—that Virat could see her, hold her, spoil her with everything she ever wanted.

I looked at Naira, kissing her forehead. She was so tiny. Thinking about her calling me "mommy," about her taking her first steps, sent shivers down my spine every time.

"Niki!" Anusha came up behind me, wrapping me in a hug.

I was overwhelmed with emotion. "I don't know what I would have done without you," I said, wiping away my tears.

"Forget all this now," Anusha said, gesturing toward Naira. "Look at her! She's you, your future, your everything! She's so cute, Niki!" Anusha kissed Naira's cheek.

Naira's eyes were just like Virat's. Every movement reminded me of him.

"What will I tell her, Anusha? Who her father is? Where he is?" These questions had plagued me since she entered this world, since she entered my life.

"Time heals everything, Niks," Anusha replied.

But I didn't want to heal from his memories—not ever.

"Maybe," I lied.

How could I heal from someone I loved with all my heart? Just because someone hurt you doesn't mean you stop loving them. Sometimes, things happen for reasons we can't comprehend. Mistakes are made, and sometimes they lead to a place where returning seems nearly impossible. But I couldn't lose hope. Losing hope would mean losing him, and that was something I couldn't afford.