The Tattooed Prince 2

81.

I walked over to him and placed sat on his lap. Mateo reopened his eyes and looked at me confused. Did he want me to do this? Would he even kiss me back? I waited for a moment for him to say something to me, he never did. Instead, I leaned forward puckering my lips and closing my eyes. I was expecting to feel his lips however my lips made contact with something else. Opening my eyes, Mateo had placed his hand in front of us, blocking my kiss. I pulled away, hurt he wouldn't want to kiss me.

"You're drunk. I'm drunk. Although kissing you has been one of the things I have been dying to do. I will not kiss you like this." He slurred his words a bit, yet the sincerity of his voice overpowered his drunk state.

"Why can't we kiss now?" I whispered, still upset about the whole deal.

He brushed my hair behind my ear. "Well, if you're using alcohol as the reason as you want to kiss me, it's more than a valid reason not to. You're not ready to do this with someone Adalyn."

"I'm single."

"You are but being single doesn't mean you're ready to kiss people, have sex with them, or be in a relationship. Being drunk doesn't give you the right to be reckless with yourself and other people." I looked away, feeling ashamed I had tried such a thing with Mateo.

He cupped my face, forcing me to meet his gaze. "You need healing, Adalyn. I'm starting to think you need to see someone for your problems. I don't think the way you are coping with certain situations is the healthiest."

My eyes watered. "I know, but I don't want to pour my heart out to someone. Wouldn't that make me as dysfunctional as Sebastian?" I asked him.

He ran his thumb over my cheek, comforting me. "No love, you two have your own demons to deal with. You want freedom Adalyn, but you're running away instead of facing what is bothering you."

It's a hard pill to swallow. Although my heart understands why Sebastian and I fell apart and even if I support my decision to have left him, my brain refuses to register I'll never have my air-head prince back. Deep down I feel as if my sacrifice as a teen wasn't worth it because I didn't stay with Prince Charming and a wrath of anger is boiling higher and higher each day because of it. Why at the end of the day, am I the loser in this?

Tears spilled from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. "You must get tired of running, Princess."

"Yeah..." I muttered, wiping away the tears with the back of my hand. "I am tired of running and I'm very angry for being stuck in this situation. He promised to never leave me again and he did. How the fuck am I suppose to trust someone again? How am I suppose to trust myself?" I pressed my finger on my chest.

"I didn't know a life out of two black gates and high walls. He broke me and I did what Adalyn does best, I ran and I been running since. I can't just stop, because if I stop running it means I have to face the truth..." And I wasn't ready for that. My heart screamed out to my brain every day to face the truth, I could find a home out of Spain. I had to learn to trust myself because if I can't do that much, how am I suppose to start over?

"You...you got over her so fast, I don't understand how?" My voice trembled.

"Adalyn, I stopped loving her a long time ago, and I ran too. I ran away from those feelings and coward out from telling her my heart didn't belong to her. For a very long time I was mad because I had a great girl back home, how could I possibly want more?" He cupped my face again. "People grow and with their growth comes different feelings. You married young Adalyn, you have to understand no one is permanent. You couldn't have possibly known you two wouldn't work."

"Why me? Why did life decide to throw me into Spain's Prince? My heart couldn't take a life of a Royal and to top it off, life took my baby." I lost it. For so long I tried keeping my miscarriage bottled in and with a short sentence I fell apart all over again.

I was mad about my marriage but I was even more angry life decided to top everything off by taking away a source of life from me. If it clearly knew Sebastian and I wasn't meant to be, why not leave me someone I could shower with love?

Mateo didn't know about my miscarriage and it took him by surprise. His whole character shifted and he wasn't drunk anymore. The light in his eyes came back and he hugged me as tight as he could in his arms.

"Oh, Adalyn. I'm so sorry." He whispered repeatedly. My eyes refused to stop crying and I surrendered to my feelings. I dug my face in Mateo's neck and cried for what felt like hours.

"My sister, Amy, she had a miscarriage a year ago. She was a mess, I thought she was never going to smile again. She cried, she screamed, and she kept asking why her. She never got her answer and she never will. Amy chose to block everyone out and she drowned herself in her own sorrow. She blamed her boyfriend for simply giving her a chance to be a mother, if it wasn't for him, she wouldn't have been placed in the situation. She was wrong when you love someone you share each other body with one another and from that love you make another life. As much as it's easier to blame someone else, there isn't anyone to blame. It happens, more than you think. I don't know how you coped with your loss but if you're coping by shutting off those feelings and letting them kill you, you'll never get better."

I pushed myself away from his neck and stared into his eyes. "I've been blaming him all these years," I confessed. If Sebastian didn't act like a complete jerk and wanted to have a break, we would have been in a better state. Yet, he placed another heavy brick on my shoulder beside the one the Royal Family had placed the moment I walked into the palace.

I tried telling myself I was wrong for thinking those things, even so, Sebastian was the one to blame. He had fucked up so much, why not blame something else on him? We were kids, dealing with adult things, there was no way in hell we were in a healthy mental state to even care for ourselves. The pressure to satisfy everyone around was tough, trying to keep each other happy was tougher. Instead of supporting each other, we threw rocks at one another. We weren't happy back then, we pretended like we were.

"Is Amy doing better?" I asked him.

He nodded. "She found her peace, maybe it's time you do the same."

"Yeah, I think so too."

I didn't know how to find my peace, however, something inside me said I should start by forgiving myself.

So I forgive you, Adalyn.

and I forgive you, Sebastian.

**

She might be a few healing steps behind Sebastian, but at least she starting to heal. Give Mateo a chance, he might not be Sebastian, but he cares for her. She might need the space and time away from Sebastian to heal, we never know life can always put them together again. (MAYBE)