Tales of a Comet (A Kylo Ren Story)

Chapter 16 - A Forgotten Memory

My tears had dried hours ago, but I still sniffle every so often. I was lying in a fetal position on my bed. My self defense that I had slowly constructed while I was with the Resistance had crumbled into dust. I was left open like a seeping, infected wound that never healed properly. I felt like I was the most complete failure in the galaxy. I wanted to disappear, to evaporate into ash. I needed to complete my revenge, but I felt torn. I wanted revenge, but I feel like I don't have the energy for it anymore. I feel like I'm too worthless to get vengeance for my family.

I thought about many things while lying in my bed. But I wasn't as docile when I first got back to my room. I grew angry upon entering my room. I destroyed the desk, chair, bed, side table, and wardrobe by using the force. I stood in the middle of my room and let the rage within me take over by throwing the furniture and random devices around me.

I tried throwing the pieces of broken wood at the rectangle window so that I might be vacuumed into space, but the glass was too thick. I must have overdone the connection with the force because my nose started to bleed, and my body felt like I was ice. I shuffled over to the bathroom, feeling cold and dizzy.

I turned the shower so that steam quickly filled the small bathroom. I swiftly stripped so that I was bare and laid down on the tiled floor of the shower. I don't remember if I fell asleep, but I stayed under the water until I felt warm enough to leave it.

I wrapped myself in my robe and left the bathroom. I almost forgot about the destruction I made but chose to ignore it. I climbed onto the mattress that was more or less on the floor due to the broken frame. I pulled the blankets over me and I began to cry.

I cried for my lost childhood, for my mother who sacrificed herself by trying to save me. I cried for my brother Zuke and the many memories we had made together before the incident. I cried for my father and the love he once shared with my mother. I cried for Percy and hoped that he was still alive. I cried for my brothers, Kael and Delmon. I cried for the woman and infant I found in the shop's bedroom. I cried for Zuke's wife and children and how terrified they must have felt. I even cried for Ghent and how he didn't deserve death as a punishment. I cried at my innocence being taken at such a young age. I cried and cried until I ran out of tears.

I sunk deep into myself until there was only a rotting carcass left. I was too tired to continue with this grim and dreadful life. I was ready, I just needed my body to die. So, here I am, hoping that nobody will notice my absence and let me die alone, like the appalling person that I am.

But apparently that wasn't the plan.

I must have eventually dosed off, because I woke to my watch vibrating. It was time to leave for the training room. But did I? Nope.

A droid arrived, attempting to bring a tray of food through the door, but it couldn't get far due to the broken furniture strewn throughout the room, so it eventually just set it on the floor. My watch soon vibrated again, saying it was time to return to my room to study and eat what the droid left me.

I continued to stay in the same position I was in the night before. Not feeling any pain from my cramping muscles as I kept retreating into my mind. I let myself flow from thought to thought, memory to memory, but not staying too long on one before I left to find another. I drifted through my mind like the little green plants that would lazily flow with the stream behind our home.

As I drifted, I never completely left my body. I was too afraid to leave it, not knowing if I would get back, not that it mattered. But I was still aware of the possible dangers that lurked.

The main reason I didn't leave was due to the dark presence that stood in the corner of my room. This dark shadow hadn't moved since I laid down in the bed the night before. It continued to stare at me, waiting for me to approach it, but I was too afraid. So, I let my mind freely drift within my subconscious, knowing some reason that I was safely hidden and protected.