Make it stop, please

Chapter 4

Warning: thoughts about suicide and bad words and such ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

Keith's POV :

        I woke from a sudden movement behind me and a strong pair of two hands wrap around me. I opened my eyes and turned my body to the person behind me. It was Lance and he was sound asleep but why was he hugging me. I never experienced with this in my whole life but I kinda like the warmth from him. I then snuggled closer to Lance and rubbed my face on to his chest.

He does not like like wtf are you doing that's disgusting and he won't return the feeling because he's straight and not gay and disgusting like you.

  I tried not to listen but it was hopeless and I started to cry. I then felt someone ran their hand in my hair. I looked up and I see Lance looking at me concerned.

  " What wrong Keith? Are you hurt or in pain? Did you had a bad dream?" Lance said.

" I -I don't know anymore," I said in a whisper.

I then felt being hugged more tightly and I felt Lance rubbing smooth circles behind my bad and saying sweet nothings to me and it was comforting. It was weird that Lance was showing this kinda side of his to me since we hate each other and just talk shit to each other. I just go along with it and hug back. I then felt like I was lifted and I opened my eyes quickly and seeing Lance picking me up in a bridal style. We left the room and went to the kitchen. I was placed down on a seat and Lance started cooking something. It's been maybe 5 minuets and lance came back with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and was cut in half.

Lance sat by me and picked the sandwich up and moved it toward my face. Why is he doing this? Is he doing it out of pity for me or does he feel bad about what happened yesterday? Oh yea I remembered I'm being taken care of for a couple of days. Lance still was holding the sandwich towards me but then he rips a small piece from the sandwich and then I opened my mouth and he feeds me the sandwich. We were doing that for maybe 10 minuets and after we finished Lance cleaned the plate and went to me. He picked me bridal style again.

" Why are you caring me around if I can walk myself like god gave me two fucking legs to walk with."

" Remember what happened last night? You passed out and you need rest and have to be full and rested for a few days which means me caring you and no training till you feel better alright,"Lance replied.

I don't want to be treated like a kid! I'm old enough to take care of myself but Lance is not gonna let that happen so I have to just deal with it even though I don't like it. So he cares me to the couch and sets me down on the couch and brings me a blanket and he sits by me and turns something on.

You should die like what are you doing he's just doing this because he feels bad for you. Don't you understand your nothing just nothing just go grab a knife and just slit your throat and everything will be fixed. No one will miss you and it will be for the better and better for the team.

Why does voice always make me believe it and it's true what he's saying but I don't want to kill myself. I don't have the gut to kill myself. As I was thinking I felt a arm on my shoulder and my head was placed on a lap and felt a hand patting my head. Then I realized how nice and comforting it was and then I realized it was Lance doing it. Does he even know what he is doing. Maybe he's doing it because he has many siblings and he does that a lot so maybe it's his habits of doing it to anyone.

I then started to doze off and everything went blank but still felt the nice warmth and comfort coming from Lance. But I still wish he can be mine and only mine. But who would want to be with a suicidal bitch and is always depressing and boring and bothersome? No one exactly so the whole mine thing is not gonna happen.

You should die already because there is no use to stay any longer.

Maybe I should take the voices advice and do it someday.........