Make it stop, please

Chapter 12

Keith pov:

       It's been a couple days and Lance is helping me the best that he can and it truly makes me happy but, I'm still cautious about my body. Lance had scheduled me this strict eating schedule and I'm forced to eat 6 small meals per day. He had been working hard to make me eat. For the first couple days I wouldn't budge but then he threatened me to take away my stuffed hippo that I got from Lance as a present. ( yes keith has a stuffed hippo and it's hella cute, don't judge me)
         " Babe you have to eat, you were doing so great and now you don't want to eat?"
         Lance had been trying to feed me for the past hour and he won't let me leave till I finish the plate. I was the green goo and I hate it but I got no choice. I look up at him with pleading eyes to let me go and cuddle with him. Lance once threatened me that if I don't eat he won't cuddle with me, which is sad.
         It sounds harsh but he's trying his best to help me, I know that he doesn't want to go that far of threatening me but what else is gonna make me eat.
         " But Lance I'm not hungry, I ate 4 meals. That should be enough right?"
          " Listen kitten we made a deal that I will help you and that I can do anything to make you better. So I did a eating schedule that includes 6 small meals and a sleep schedule since you barely sleep, you were doing so great, why do you stop eating a bit and refusing to sleep that much?"
          Well he ain't wrong. I've been sleeping for 6 hours than 7-8 hours, and I don't eat 6 meals like he wanted me too but he should understand that it's not  easy to eat normally when I've been doing this for years. He should understand that having a eating disorder and depression isn't easy to overcome, it's fucking scary as hell.
           " Lance you should understand that's it isn't easy to overcome depression and a eating disorder that quick." I said with a serious and stern voice.
          " So what, you want to ruin your streak for eating healthy and sleeping well?" He said in a soft voice.
          I'm boiling with anger and confusion right now. I'm mad because he can't understand that depression is hard to stop. It takes time, depression is when a person feels down because they feel guilty,sad,lonely,have anxiety, they feel empty and feel like they shouldn't live. Eating disorder isn't easy to stop too, if I'm used to eating not even a full meal for a couple of years then how am I supposed to eat good in seconds. This is making me mad even more, yes I appreciate the help but he doesn't understand.
            " Lance! Can't you understand that I'm going through rough times and I'm trying my best to overcome this battle of mine! I've been abandoned by my mother and my father died! I've been in a orphanage since I was young and was bullied and I was going to house to house because no one wanted me! You think I'm happy about that!? Wait even when I came here everyone single person didn't like me because I was "emo" and a show off as I can say! Don't you get it my whole life is just a living hell and you aspect me to be better in seconds! Well guess what it takes fucking time, it takes time to overcome this and you don't understand it Lance and you never will!" 
         God I was angry at Lance a bit but at the same time I feel bad for yelling at him. But he should know what I thought and it's better than saying lies to him.
           I look up at Lance and I'm breathing heavily and he looks at me with a blank stare and by the look of his blue gorgeous eyes there was a hint of sadness and anger. I stood up from my chair and I ran out the room. I can't deal with this right now.
        Kogane you messed up big time. Now Lance will for sure leave you. What a ungrateful faggot you are. Look at you, you don't look pretty or skinny! You'd fat and ugly got it!
                The voice is right, I messed up big time. Maybe this will make Lance leave me and he'll go to Allura. I was subconsciously walking to my room and as I got there I opened the door and locked it. I went to the corner and sat down. I slowly felt hot tears coming down my face and I was sobbing.
          This is my fault, it's my fault that he's annoyed of me. He probably doesn't want to deal with my stupid ass problems. God wish I was dead at this moment, then I wouldn't be in this situation at all. I placed my head between my legs and arms and cried silently. ( idk if that makes sense but oh well, mistakes happens)
           I should die, then this will be over............

I'm back guys 🍵❤️