Paroxysm |✓

Anomaly

Instead of being the avant-garde,
The glorified, unique abnormality
In my mind I'm merely the lone wolf,
The discarded anomaly

I hope for trust and camaraderie,
I strive to become one with the group
But those esoteric tales will always remain-
A boundary between me and the troop

I wish I was born with natural charisma,
I wish I didn't need to try so hard
My acrimony has dissolved into fits of angst,
My self worth has broken to shards

Before, I craved the limelight with all that I had,
I desired to be the bona fide
I presumed friends were the result of bravado and brains,
But now all I want is to hide.

~An Aspiring Parvenu

• • •

We all crave what we can't have, and the second it's in our grasp, it proves to be inadequate.

Once, all I wanted was to feel accepted. I didn't want to be the anomaly. I wanted to fit in, no matter how different everyone was from me. If I wasn't being accepted, I blamed myself.

But now, I'm proud to be a pebble in a crowd full of diamonds. I'm okay being who I am. My decision may not pave way for a journey full of sunshine and rainbows, but at least it's my own path that I'm walking.

I don't need to be a part of a group to feel loved.
I need my insecurities to take a backseat, my heart to beat and my fears to retreat.

Love yourself first, and everyone else will follow.
~Via