The Fourth Annual Writer Games: Canon

The Assault | Kardel Barwick

I want to die.

I want to take the camera in front of me, smash it to pieces for the entire Capitol to see. I want my interview to my family to be nothing by a moment of rebellion, something like my grandparents used to talk about. I want to show that I can take this perfect tribute I have been moulded into and throw it to the ground so hard it breaks into the very bare components.

I do not do that. I stay silent. I sit in front of the camera, and I do not say a word until he could see that the camera was truly recording him. Kardel spoke with the faintest of smiles on his face, the very edge of his mouth peeking up in a way that seemed unfamiliar to the audience who had been watching the young boy. This was what he had been looking forward to. It was a chance to re-connect with home, through the barricade of a screen but with words and gestures that could easily fly through and convey and message he wanted.

"Hello," he began, trying desperately to formulate exactly what he wanted to say into a sentence because words have never come easy to me, and no one is expecting them from me. I am the stupid one, the dumb one, the crazy one. I never talk. It is Ren who talks. I prefer to listen, because listening provides you with more information than you could ever get from any interview they could record or broadcast.

I listen now, even though the world around me is silent and has been since the gong that started this hell. I do not even know if I hear anymore. It is possible that the arena has scarred me permanently but Kardel was not going to talk to his family about such a trivial matter as that. This time was precious, special. The most ruthless of killers will still soften at the chance of interacting with home.

Kardel did not consider himself a ruthless killer but I still consider myself a killer, and that is why I sit in front of this camera and I do not say a word. Ren deserves better than this, better than a brother whom he should be ashamed of because no matter the circumstances, I can only live at the death of another. I do not want to place the burden of supporting a monster onto my baby brother, someone who could not take the weight of that concept without being crushed.

Ren does not know how to cope but Kardel was not sure how he would cope. It had become obvious through the time before the gong that speaking was not a strong point for him, and words did not come easier. "Hello," he tried again, before taking a deep breath out and trying to recover. "I've missed you. I missed you a lot. I hope you still love me except I know that you don't," I spit, but the sentence remains in my head.

I cannot speak. I have never spoken to his family through a screen before, but it was important to him that his family heard his voice. "I am honestly try hard to get home," he continued. "I am, even if it doesn't look like it. I know I appear weak a lot of the time, and maybe I don't have a lot of sponsors and maybe it even looks like I have given up but..."

Kardel trailed off and turned away from the screen. I will not even look into it. I will not give people the opportunity to even acknowledge me as Kardel Barwick, a human. I am not that anymore. I gave up my right to any of that when I allowed the Capitol to trap me here, to tell me that my route home was to become nothing more than a wild animal. You do not claim a lion as your pet, you claim a domesticated cat. If that becomes feral, you put it down.

Please allow me to die because then I won't have to worry about you," continued Kardel. There was a tear glistening in the corner of his eye. "I don't want to die. I want to get home to you. We'd be happy then. We wouldn't have to worry about anything."

He did not want to explain in case the Capitol would view him as purely materialistic, but Kardel allowed the idea of the prizes given to the Victor to flow through undetected in his speech. They were something that could truly help his family, something that the Capitol were grateful enough to bestow on the monster that they created. The reward us to condition us, to kill and believe it is right.

People out there, beyond this screen, remember a world where people were not savages and where killing another human was considered the worst of all crimes. I would sit in front of the fire, possibly in the same place where my family will watch the footage of me facing away from their screen, and listen to the stories that my grandparents would tell of a world where none of this would happen.

A world without the Hunger Games would simply not work, thought Kardel to himself. It supported families who required it and asked only for the bare minimum from each District but you are completely lying to yourself when you think that.

"Ren," began Kardel again, his voice breaking as he considered the thought of his younger brother sitting alone at home having watched his older brother turn into a creature that was sub-human. "I want you to know that I really love you, okay? I might not be around to protect you, or to help you, but I want to be there and I want to tell you that nothing is going to be the same. I want you to forget me.

I move even further from the camera, but the Capitol have programmed it to follow me so that I have no escape. I refuse to let them see that I am crying because I simply refuse to show weakness but the tear-stained trail on Kardel's cheek was endearing to everyone who watched. "I know I've never been good with words," he continued and that was why I chose to stay silent. "I wish I had talent with spinning them together now, because I want to tell you how much I love you but I know there is never going to be enough words in any language to make that possible."

I hold my hands to my ears, close my eyes tightly whilst forcing a smile, grinning through tears at the thought of his brother hearing the words on the other end of the broadcast. If nothing else, if he died before being able to see home again, Ren would understand nothing, because he is a child who is untouched by you.

I will say nothing. Ren does not deserve to hear from me. I want to escape, to forget. There is no one left who Kardel really wanted to say anything to. He thought of home fondly, but when he considered the people, it was his family that truly left him with the most anguish because I know I am disappointing them.

The Capitol provide us with everything at the cost of ourselves. There is no one to even disagree with this, because we are too busy trying to better our own lives at the cost of others. They can provide me with music but I refuse to conform to their beat as he said goodbye, unsure of what else to say.

He hoped it was enough. Kardel was aware that he did not have the family history or the personality to truly offer entertainment to the Capitol. He was nothing special because everyone who is under the Capitol is as close to a monster as everyone else. There are a handful of us who are just forced to embrace it quicker and Kardel was truly thankful he had been given the chance to embrace that opportunity. His family knew that he loved them and my family would believe that I hate them. That is the way that it should be.

It is like music in a way, how everything must resolve because otherwise it will sound unsettling like the death of a child to provide entertainment.

You can provide me with the beat of your drum, but you cannot make me march.