The Fourth Annual Writer Games: Canon

The Assault - Notes and Byes

Thank you guys for your wonderful entries. I know for a lot of you I really seem to nag about lyrics/song, but that's really just me talking out in the open and did not have any major effect on byes and my choosing them, though of course the open choices y'all made of course do have effects, but in general any comments about what I wish I would've seen are just me being controlling and any comments about what I wanted you to do did not at all affect how I marked. 

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District One – Dioria Rose

So let's talk about the song first. I thought the choir use was a bit overdone, because it was out of character and 'a choir of voices' could easily be replaced with a synonym that isn't so forcibly drawn from the song. I expected a bit more of a regal, dramatic, atmospheric type entry than I got, and while I understand you worked with the song as best you could, I wish you had let it take you someplace that didn't seem forced the times you included it. There's wasn't rising action or a crescendo, or maybe that was when the trainer screamed (even though in task I specified the interview would be broadcast in full, but I digress) (or, I think it was that crescendo of voices and then silence). Overall, I was pleased to finally half-dive in to her family and the dynamics. I liked the beginning particularly, but I felt the interview became stagnant in a way. It was back and forth dialogue, there was no atmosphere. You gave tidbits of how she reacted, but it was the superficial reaction/emotion I've wished to see less of. Overall, though, this was a great improvement in making Dioria more likeable, making me want to read more. I loved the ending, though. Overall, again, a very solid entry, the detractions were the forced song integration and the atmospheric lack.

District Six – Fintan Bailey

I had high hopes for this entry. I chose this song because I believed the melody/tune/feel/tone reflected well upon both Fintan and his District and/or his mother. The lyrics, though I didn't require you to use them, were meant to help push you into really giving me more dynamic on how Fintan thinks or how his mother thinks or what have you. I was a bit disappointed that the part you did gravitate to referencing was the gibberish, or at least it felt that way. I found this entry was otherwise quite typical. While I can see where you incorporated the lyrics, overall the entry was a bit unexciting. I didn't get the spark from Fintan that I've had other times, and while I recognize the morphling had an effect, it simply didn't land, at least with me, where I felt a lot was missing and the entry fell flat. I mean, for a task that was meant to push tributes and arcs, you gave me Fintan killing a tribute and then the last, like, three paragraphs about the only requirement I asked for, and then some interjections about the Capitol and about which choice he should choose. I liked the last line beginning as though he was narrating it all along, but I wouldn't have understood it had you not informed me beforehand of what you were planning, and I might presume others might follow with the confusion. \For a semis entry, I understand your idea was to build to the end and bring it to the first task again, and that killing Kardel was meant as this symbolic motion in relation to the song, but sometimes we have to think, 'Will this impress the person I am writing to get a bye for?' Unfortunately, this time, it fell a bit short. That isn't to say it was bad, as it was on the same level as your past entries, but for a semis task, I hoped I would've seen a bit more.

District Seven – Linwood Walsh

Okay, so, again, song comments first. This song was given to you because the translation fits Linwood perfectly. Of course you didn't choose to follow that, though. Like, 'take me, dear friend, to the mirth of yesterdays' is so pretentiously Linwood that I'm nearly offended it wasn't included. Am I just daft? Am I missing all these beautiful connections I so graciously gave? But like I said last time, I can't mark on what isn't there. But damn, did you ever get the tone right on. The yearning, the hope, the drive. So while I am a bit disappointed that you chose to follow my options of not incorporating lyrics, that's more because I thought they fit well, but then you managed to capture the actual song mood and tone well, so it evens out. This was quite phenomenal. I love that he finally apologizes/tries to open up, and then the ending. Hoo.

District Eight – Moire Holiday / Moira Holiday

I don't have a comment here other than you right done fucked me up, AND you managed to make the entry work well with the song, particularly in the latter half.

District Nine – Kardel Barwick

I liked this entry, you've really settled into the groove of the tone of the writing. While I didn't necessarily get a lyrical interpretation (again, that was fine) I understand why not. I liked the references to the two different languages, and the battle between the voices reflected well upon the alternating voices of the song. Overall, this was a solid entry. I don't particularly have any negatives because the song connection/mood was there, and the writing was quite good as I love the slowly descending clash of voices. There were a few typos though, nothing too major.

District Twelve – Basil Crombie

I'm...sad. Because this entry was great. The music matched in time wonderfully to the dance scene and I adored it. But then, you didn't write half the task. You didn't include any part of the task requirement with the video. And it could've been amazing, would've been amazing. Because then you might've explored Haymitch actually talking, or his family, or friends, or he would've talked to them. But there was nothing. And I'm confused and sad because truly this was great. What is there worked flawlessly, but maybe you missed the task requirement, maybe it was just a bad time to write an entry, but unfortunately while this entry was the most well connected to its song, and the writing was brilliant, I just can't overlook the fact the task requirement was missing. Otherwise phenomenal work.

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So, with that being said, I have decided to award byes to...

Moire / Moira Holiday and Linwood Walsh.

Unfortunately, that means the rest of you are up for votes, and I'm sad to see any of you go.