compendium | bts x lovelyz

10 | downfall

I looked at him in shock. How did he know? How?

I was careful with my actions. I tried so hard not to notice anything odd in me. I hid my guns and some profiles in a place where he couldn't find it whenever he goes to my apartment. So, how?

I was a 100% sure he didn't know anything. He was not suspicious of me, for pete's sake. Or was it one of his acts? To make me believe he didn't know anything. If it was, then he got me. Badly.

He continued to look at me calmly. I didn't know what to do so I continued to aim the gun towards him.

"H-How did you know?" I shakily asked him. Was I not careful enough? Or was he just that good at observing things?

He laughed menacingly as he got up from the bed. Seokjin walked towards me slowly while I still aimed my gun at him. I hadn't noticed the thing he was holding. That thing was a gun. 

Seokjin stopped just a few feet away from me. My hands shook, my palms wet with sweat, and my heart beating so fast. I shouldn't have lost my guard. Why was I so careless?

"You see, Jisoo, you're not as careful as you think you are. You don't think outside the box. Hence, why you failed. I knew, actually, from the start," he said. 

"H-How?" I asked him. At this point, I tried not to let him notice the tremble in my voice but he still noticed anyway. He arched an eyebrow at me. I must not give in.

"You already know I'm observant, but you still gave in," he amusingly said. 

"When did you know?" 

"The first time you came into my life," Seokjin calmly answered as he continued to stare at my face. I felt myself shivered slightly at his stare.

I gulped and swerved my eyes away from him. "So, now, you want kill me?"

"If you want to kill me, then I need to kill you."

"I said want, not need," I pointed out. I turned my attention back at him. He visibly looked calm since a few minutes ago. So calm.

"And what's your point with that?" 

I sucked in a few breaths. "My point is that, you don't want to kill me but you need  to kill me. You see, want and need are different."

"Oh, really? Then, what is it with you if I said I need  to kill you?" he asked me with a raised eyebrow. I gathered all the guts and confidence left in my body and gave him a soft smirk.

"It just means that maybe you don't love me, but you care for me. Am I right?" 

He let out a laugh―a sad laugh if that makes sense. 

"You think you're that special? Sweetheart, I know what you are and what you do. I distanced myself emotionally from you. I don't care about you," he said those words while looking at me like I was crazy. 

I felt some pain in my chest, my eyes sting with tears that are about to flow like a damn falls, my hands trembled so hard, but I ignored all of it.

I let out a fake laugh―fuck, I hope it didn't come out broken like my heart―and shook my head. "Well, if you really don't give a fuck about me, then please shoot me now." 

Getting brave, huh? 

He softly chuckled. "Jisoo, you're really testing me."

"What? You don't care about me. You don't love me. Then, fucking kill me. Please," I tried so hard to swallow the lump in my throat. Tears are about to fall out of my eyes. 

For the first time in my life, I begged. 

He looked at me, dumbfounded at my unexpected words.

"But before you pull that trigger, can I say one more thing?" 

He gulped and just nodded at me. I finally let the tears fall and he got surprised at my state.

"I love you. I'm in love with you," I told him in between my sobs. And the next thing he knew, I was gone.

I left.

I didn't let him kill me. Maybe I was a coward, but the thing is that I wanted to live for him. Even though he needed to kill me. Even though he didn't care  about me. Or didn't love me.

I wanted to live so I could still love him.

I even let the police arrest the whole organization I was working just so he could live. Even if I wasn't beside him. Atleast, he's safe.

My last memory of him was him crying for me when I finally told him those words. Those eight words I didn't regret saying.

Stay alive for yourself. Please.

                                         -Jisoo x

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