A Little Bit Quirky

Chapter 27: Avaricious

A.N: I was tagged twice and I wanted to say thank you for tagging me to the people who did. However, I'm super lazy and not really a fan of answering personal questions so openly so, I won't be doing it. I don't meant to offend the people who tagged me! Also, I may not be able to update as frequently until Friday cuz I broke my phone.... Hope you enjoy this and sorry if the format is weird. Wattpad is glitching. Again.

Katsuki's P.O.V:
When I land beside Todoroki, heart pounding in my chest, I feel rage build in me.

A strange kind of rage. Its not that feeling of anger that burns its way through me and has my quirk agitating my palms and its definitely not the frustration that sometimes has me curling my hands into fists to prevent myself from punching something.

No, this is a cool, icy feeling that washes over me like freezing water.

Why would he do this? I ask myself, the clarity within me, making me more perceptible to the stupidity of our actions; both mine and Izuku's. The moment before he jumped - that split second where I saw, I saw what he was about to do......
I found this horrible feeling overwhelming me.
For that brief second, I had felt not the usual heat that burns deep within me but a numbing cold that chilled my bones and cooled my mind. The panic, the fear, the sadness, the desperation - all of it had been covered in a thick layer of frost. It wasn't a matter of the emotions disappearing but, receding. They were still there, even now they plagued me but, they felt distant, cast aside by my unending fury.

I was angry at Izuku, for not valuing his life or his safety and jumping out a window just to get away from me; I was angry at Todoroki for not reaching him in time; I was angry at UA for choosing not to act against Senketsu; I was angry at All Might and Iida for getting captured; I was angry at Akira for escaping without giving us any useful information...... I was angry at everything, everyone but, most of all, I was angry at myself.

Angry because, I'm useless.

I couldn't help All Might and Iida, couldn't interrogate Akira, couldn't go against Mr. Nezu's instructions and I couldn't stop myself from hurting Izuku. In the past and the present.

Izuku is everything to me; his smile, his tinkling laughter, his dark ebony curls, his smooth, caramel cheeks, dotted with brown freckles, his huge emerald eyes and even his ugly red boots. He was apart of me.
A part of me that I had spat on and renounced, a part that I had broken; smashed into tiny pieces, and its killing me that I can't put him back together. Every time I try to tell him how I feel; to show him the emotion that has swelled within me for him, it blows up in my face. I end up hurting him more, destroying him from the inside out, smashing my quirk into the part of him that is finally starting to heal. I hate what I'm doing to him but, even more so, I hate how I can't stop. I'm not like Todoroki or Uraraka or Iida. I can't just tell him how I feel and laugh with him and meet his gaze without any feelings of guilt. I can't, I know I can't. If I tried how would he respond? Would he laugh vindictively? Curse me? Hate me even more than he already does? No, somewhere deep down inside me I know. I know he would do what he always does; smile that beautiful smile, all pearly white teeth and sunlight, and tell me its okay. But, its not okay.

I'm not okay.

I want him, more than I've wanted anything before. Not just his body but, him. All of him. I want to wrap my arms around him and be able to say I love him. I want the ability to apologise for what I've done and not feel like its pointless.

But its not just that. Its not just that fuzzy feeling that warms my chest when I look at him. There's a much darker feeling brewing inside me. A feeling that makes me sick and pathetic.
I want to own him.