Coffee

38 Amends

My stomach dropped when I saw Soelhyun hugging Jimin. It was probably because of me.

"She's so stubborn." I mumbled to myself. She acts as if she's over the situation, as if she just doesn't give a damn anymore but it's fake. She does still care.

I quickly backed away from the window when her hazel eyes shot my way.

I sighed deeply hoping she didn't see me.
I wanted to go in there so badly though. I wanted to apologize over and over but that wouldn't fix anything. Soelhyun still has feelings for me, and I for Jackson.

Speaking of the douchebag... I checked my phone to see if he was coming home tonight.

Sure he apologized but he's almost worse now than before our breakup. Sometimes I think I made the wrong decision. But the hardest choice in life for me is wondering if I should walk away or try harder.

So I lurked around the karaoke building listening to Soelhyun, Jimin, Jhope, Jungkook, and Rapmonster sing their heads off. It made me feel horribly lonely, and dejected.

They all sided with Soelhyun, without a care or concern about the way I feel. I never meant to hurt her, I may have taken it too far once or twice but I was vulnerable as well.

Once they were done I bolted into the men's bathroom hoping she didn't see me.

I scolded myself for being so dumb. I needed to end this now.

I followed after Jungkook and Soelhyun while taking a shaky breath.

I cleared my throat as they didn't notice me approaching. The cold, icy air outside only made me shake more.

Both Jungkook and Soelhyun turned around with equally unreadable expressions.

"Soelhyun I—"

"Soelhyun doesn't feel so great right now, why don't you call later." Jungkook said sternly while pulling Soelhyun closer to him.

I looked at Soelhyun for anything, but she just stared at the ground.

"How long do we have to go on torturing ourselves? Let's talk Okay?" Every time I spoke I could see my breath infront of me. I was thankful for the cold because it masked the real reason why my voice was shaking.

Jungkook was about to respond when Soelhyun gave him a reassuring squeeze on the arm.

"He's right. I need to put him behind me so I can move forward. I'll see you at home okay?" She asked the disapproving Jungkook.

Jungkook reluctantly let go of her. "I'll drive you home. Just text me when you're done."

Soelhyun nodded and then turned to me.

I felt sort of awkward and hurt she wants to put me behind her, and with how she's gotten so much closer to Jungkook.

She followed me back inside the karaoke building and we sat down in an empty room.

"What did you need to say?" She asked in a calm voice looking away from me. I couldn't make out her face that well because it was dim but she didn't look particularly upset.

I didn't know what to say or do to become her friend again, or even be able to talk to her.

She was waiting for an answer." Did you get my letter?"

She nodded.

"Soelhyun I need to go back."

She pursed her lips.

"How far? Back to when you tried kissed me at the bar just because you felt like it or back to the time you asked if I could sleep next to you because you were worried about Jhope?"

I swallowed hard.

"Back to when we were friends."

Soelhyun sighed exasperated. "Friends? Really? In our relationship all you've done is take and all I've done is give. I was always there for you meeting your every need and you've done absolutely nothing for me. Friends huh? Since the day you met me you flirted with me, even after you knew I liked you. If that isn't leading a person on I don't know what is. Face it Yoongi, we were never friends."

I swallowed hard. That stung. She wasn't wrong though, I have been a huge burden on her.

"But." She said making me raise my eyebrows.

"I'm sick of it. I'm sick and tired of wasting energy on you. Let's just forget it. Everything. Let's go back to when we didn't even know each other. You don't even have to come by the coffee shop since I know you actually don't even like what's on the menu."

"This isn't what I wanted." I said quietly.

Solehyun laughed.  "You really think I can just go back to serving you all the time? How selfish, I don't have the emotional energy for this."

I sighed and pulled her into a hug. Her heart was beating fast and she had her chin rested on my shoulder.

"Let go of me." She said coldy.

"Only if you stop lying to yourself, I want to end on good terms."

She pushed me off of her. "No terms is good enough for me...and don't touch me."

She got up but I grabbed her arm. "Soelhyun this isnt right. Please."

She looked away from me and her face softened.

"It's harder for me than for you." She mumbled but I heard.

I attempted to hug her again and this time she didn't push me off.

"Let's just stop now. Fighting, arguing, hurting each other. You may not need me, but I sure as hell need you. I can't do this anymore, and I never want to make you cry again."

I said pulling away a little bit so I could look her in the eyes.

"I promise." I told her as she tried to avoid eye contact, her eyes were getting misty.

"What about you?" She asked.

"Hm?"

She swallowed hard "What are you going to do about Jackson?"

I sighed and sat down again. "I need to make some decisions myself."

She sighed and nodded.

Jungkook walked in to check up on Soelhyun.

"Everything's okay." She told him.

She followed Jungkook out the door before turning to me "Get home safely."

I smiled and waved to her "You too."