Never felt this way before

Chapter 20

Ciel swallowed, his chest tightening at the thought of him sleeping with other people. He doesn't understand why he's getting this feeling, at all. It scares him a little how badly he wants to be the only one Sebastian fucks, even if he's known from the beginning that's what Sebastian doesn't do.

"You could fuck me instead..." Ciel blurted, very quietly without even thinking, trapped in his own thoughts. He immediately looked down, closing his eyes tightly, holding his breath the longer Sebastian stayed silent.

"I don't do that, Ciel. I told you from the beginning I don't want to be tied down, whether it's sexual or boyfriend. I apologise."

Ciel looked back up at Sebastian and sighed. "Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I can't do this. I can't do so fucking casually. I can't be someone that's called up just to fuck. I want the cuddling ,I want cuteness, I want to feel wanted. I don't mind not being called a boyfriend, or even if you go and fuck somebody somewhere I'm not, better yet, if I don't know about it. Or there's ground rules, but I simply can't just wait around and be used whenever you feel like it. Yeah, it was fun with you, but I can't do that at all. It makes my chest hurt just thinking about it. So, I can stay at my friends house and pick up my suit case tomorrow and that'll be it. Sorry for being a bitch about this in the beginning, and thank you for making this break up easier to deal with." He takes a deep breath, mustering up a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Bye Sebastian, see you later."

And with that, Ciel doesn't bother looking at him anymore and turns around and walks away, completely missing the hesitant look on Sebastian's face, and the way he turned to stop him, only stopping completely when he thought better of it.