Never felt this way before

Chapter 36

Ciel is humming as he walks up to the apartment door, smiling to himself because he had such a good day, everything went so well. He even had a conversation with Alois, learning the boy isn't too bad after all. They oddly get along really well, and since Ciel has basically moved on, he doesn't mind the fact that he's fucking his ex.

Though, he does believe Alois does deserve better.

They exchanged numbers, been texting since he left work for the day and it's been nice.

wanna have a little dinner date later? there's this nice ass sushi place i wanna try and you're my only friend.

Ciel opens the apartment door, looking down at his phone as he lets out a laugh at Alois's text message, grinning to himself as he types out his response.

yeah sure! im down for whenever :)

As he looks up, he sees suit cases and raises an eyebrow.

"Sebastian? Is someone here?" He calls out, hearing a grunt in response and footsteps coming towards him.

He lets out a big smile at the sight of Sebastian. He looks amazing in skin tight black jeans, his shirt unbuttoned and his hair a mess. It looks like he just woke up, and it always takes his breath away when he sees Sebastian, but this is pleasantly better than usual.

"Yeah, actually."

Ciel nods his head with a smile. "Who is it then? A friend of yours?"

"Someone I was about to fuck, actually."

Ciel freezes, his smile dropping right off his face.

"What?" Ciel whispers, looking up at Sebastian, begging with his eyes for him to be lying, to be fucking with him.

"Yeah." Sebastian says nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders.

"We.. We had a deal.." He whispers under his breath, looking down at his shoes, his heart feeling like it's being squeezed tightly, an odd feeling tugging at him. He's hurt, beyond hurt, and he knows they are just fuck buddies, someone to fuck and cuddle and be nice to each other afterwards. But it hurts.

"Yeah, well, deals change. I packed your shit, I don't know how you subtly moving in fucking happened but it did and that's not alright. So, yeah." Sebastian turns and makes a move to walk away when a hand grabs at his elbow.

"Sebastian, stop, please. What is happening? Are we going to be okay? Are we done? What is this? I'm so confused, I didn't do anything. I've slept with you, I've been nice to you, I've cooked you meals. You.. You treated me so well, don't do this to me right now. Don't drag me along like this." Ciel says desperately, on the verge of crying but he refuses to cry. He won't let himself cry until he's alone.

"You're right. I shouldn't drag you into a false sense of security, or let you get expectations in your head so we're done with whatever this is. It can't go on."

Ciel is fucking angry now.

"What the fuck are you afraid of?" Ciel screams, taking deep breaths after to stop himself from crying or laughing hysterically.

Sebastian turns to look at him and grins, but inside he's fucking screaming at himself for the next words he blurts out. "You were just another hole for me to fuck and it's obvious you've developed feelings. I don't have any fear, I laid it out about what I wanted and didn't want. You should probably sit back and think about that."

Ciel breaks inside. He feels his heart get broken for the second him in his lifetime and it's not too far apart either. Maybe this is his fault, he won't try to lie to himself by saying he hasnt developed feelings. Sebastian treated him so well, made him feel so appreciated and that's gone.

Just another hole for me to fuck.

He repeats it over and over in his head, desperately trying to grasp at the meaning but he can't. He refuses to believe he doesn't have feelings for him. Sebastian looked at him with so much adoration, was so gentle and tried so hard to make him comfortable, feel safe, and you don't do that for just anybody.

He has to be somebody.

" I was somebody." He whispers, turning around and picking up his suitcases, opening the door and shutting it without looking back, without explaining what he meant by his words.

He had nowhere to go, oddly relied on Sebastian without even realizing it.

He was alone, and for the first time in years and he doesn't know what to do. He's scared, he's hurt, and he finally lets the tears fall and let's the gravity of the situation dawn on him as he walks to his car, letting out a loud sob as he gets situated inside of it.

He gets his phone out of his pocket and calls up the only person he sadly has.

"I need someone to talk to, please? I'm begging."

"Sure, babe. Meet me at Four Corners, okay?"

"Thank you."