Never felt this way before

Chapter 35

2 weeks later

Sebastian has clearly been blind to everything going on around him, blinded by so much sex, blinded by the cute boy he's been obsessive over, so possesive and wanting to do nothing but please him that he hasn't noticed something happening in his apartment.

He wakes up to an empty bed, the side cold but made. He yawns loud, stretching and getting out of bed to start on some paper work for a job his boss asked him to handle. As he was using the restroom, he notices small things.

Ciel's toothbrush, his cologne, shaving products and some weird fucking moisturizer shit, just tiny things that slowly started to appear without his attention. It sets a panic within him.

What the fuck is happening here?

He rushes to his bedroom again, noticing the clothes that are definitely not his hanging up in the closet. He opens his drawers, seeing underwear that isn't his, seeing the panties laying neatly on the right side.

This cannot be happening.

He runs around the entire apartment, noticing the smallest fucking things that scream that 2 people live here. Together. When the fuck did this happen?

He doesn't do this. He doesn't live with people, he doesn't catch feelings, he doesn't sleep with the same person more than once. Everything happening around him is unbalanced and doesn't feel right. It doesn't make him feel like himself.

He's definitely panicking, which is another thing he doesn't do.

And the most annoying part is he still misses Ciel, wondering if he's having a good day, being safe, if he's dressed nice and smelling good. If he's with another man or not and it's fucking ridiculous that a spark of jealousy burns within him so strong that it angers him.

Anger is coursing through him. Panic has disappeared and now he wants everything else to disappear. He wants the small items gone, he wants his space back, he wants himself back.

He doesn't DO attachment. He physically can't do attachment.

Maybe he's being irrational when he decides to do his next action, which is angrily pack Ciel's shit up. He forcefully shoves his shit in suitcases, every item disappearing into the bag, the more empty the apartment already feels. But he pushes through, breathing so heavily he might be on the verge of a breakdown.

What the fuck is happening to him?

"Sebastian, chill the fuck out. Get ahold of yourself." He slaps himself for good measure, trying to calm himself down.

An hour goes by of him panicking, getting angry, getting sad and then angry again as he packs everything up and he carefully drags the suit cases to the front door and sits on the couch, putting his head down between his arms and just breathes, pondering his decision.

He needs to end this. He can't do this, he just wanted a fuck buddy, someone he can appreciate in the sack, do some wild shit in the bed, which they haven't really ventured into lately which should of been a red flag. Lately they've been pretty vanilla, just him eating his ass and fucking him hard. Nothing wild has happened since the panty incident.

He's just having sex with Ciel to do it, because he just wants Ciel.

This conflicting feelings inside of him is enough to make him want to just pack up all his shit and move to another city, where Ciel can't find him, where Ciel doesn't exist, where Ciel isn't walking around, working in a coffee shop. Where he can't run into Ciel, and smell him, remember how he felt against him.

The idea of Ciel not being here makes him ache and he can't do it.

So he takes a deep breath, gets up and gets ready for the day with determination coursing through his veins.