Never felt this way before

Chapter 38

Day 2

Day 1 consisted of eating junk food and passing out after crying himself to sleep, which makes him feel ridiculous considering the fact that he was only "with" sebastian for about 3 weeks.

It's really strange that he didn't even realize his own feelings until the fight that occurred, making him stay up until he just couldn't anymore, thinking of when this really happened.

He knew the rules, he knew what Sebastian did and didn't want and he really thought it was okay. He didn't even notice himself slowly moving in, didn't even let himself think that he didn't truly have a home to go to besides Sebastian, him and Claude's place surely not his anymore.

Now it's day 2 and he refuses to get out of bed and it's 3 pm, and he's just so tired and drained. He didn't sleep well, considering he's grown accustomed to somebody holding him at night, whether it was Claude or Sebastian. He hasn't been alone since he was 14 years old.

He doesn't know what to do with himself, or how to cope. The emotions of losing Claude and now Sebastian quickly catching up to him. He isn't sad about losing Claude, he kind of saw it coming, it's the fact that he decided on somebody else besides him.

He decided he wasn't good enough, and didn't even have the courtesy of leaving him before sleeping with somebody else.

He was foolish to think him and Sebastian would work. Ciel is sensitive, he doesn't have it in him to do something with no connection. He is incapable of not letting himself get feelings and he shouldn't of even jumped into this without thinking with anything other than his dick.

Now that's a lie, only thinking with his dick. But he won't acknowledge that for a while.

He just wants somebody to care, and he hates himself for not being good enough for even that.

Just a hole for me to fuck.

Maybe that's all he's really good for.

So he continues to lay there, occasionally crying, just thinking. Starting to feel a little numb, and he doesn't even notice the time ticking away, 4 hours passing by without him moving what so ever.

He feels a weight jump onto the bed and he lets out a huff. "Leave me alone, Alois." He's not in the mood and at the moment he feels like he will never be in the mood for anything ever again.

"Ciel, I'm not going to let you just lay here and act like you're dying. Get out of bed, at least to eat with me, please? I ordered us some chinese food." Alois says, smiling sadly at the lump of sadness. He moves Ciel onto his back and gently straddles his hips and leans down to press a kiss to his forehead. "C'mon, boo."

Ciel sighs loudly, closing his eyes and basking in the attention secretly, letting himself feel like he's cared for even if its for a brief amount of time. He really loves Alois right now, don't know where he'd be without him.

Ciel nods his head, succumbing to his fate and taps Alois on the hip. "Let me up, then."

Alois smiles big, and jumps off of Ciel and stands, holding his hand out for his friend to take.

Ciel get's out of bed for exactly one hour, letting Alois talk to him and eats a little bit of food, not really having a big appetite, but he considers it a win.

He got up for one hour.