Devil In Her Heart (John Lennon fanfic)

Chapter 73.

Me and George walked back to the club together after our conversation. He scolded me about not taking my antidepressants, which I promised to start taking again.

As I walked into the club, I was met with a pair of arms thrown around me.

"Oh god Lucy I...I was so worried! You just up and left without a word and... I thought maybe ye left me and I just didn't know what was happening..." I watched as John rambled on. He really did seem worried. I just didn't know if it was all an act or if he really meant it. I sighed.

"I'm okay John. I just needed time to think."

"Think about what?? Come back upstairs yeah? We can talk in private."

"Lucy.." George said looking at me. I nodded.

"I'll be fine alone George. Don't worry."

He looked a bit relieved as he walked passed us, glaring at John. I grabbed John's hand as we walked upstairs, to our room. Once inside, I turned to him and took a deep breath.

"John..I need to ask you something."

"No Lucy I need to tell you something before you go on." He sighed and pulled me down with him on the bed. I stared down at my hands as he spoke.

"I know I've been a bit distant from you lately and such. But um...I love you. I really really do. The thing is, this band thing is beginning to get pretty big and well, I..."

"Is this why you've been speaking to Cynthia lately?" I interrupted. He froze and looked at me.

"How...how d'you know..?"

"I um..I over heard you talking to her on the phone the other night." I said quietly. He nodded.

"Lucy...i'm so confused." He said holding my hand. "I just...she's been calling and..she wants me back. I'm deeply in love with you but..a part of me still wants to be with her. It's two different kinds of love. With her, I know that she'll be faithful and will be better for my image. But with you, I'm free to be who I want and do what I want. The only problem is...you're not a good girl Luce. And..I have to think about what others think and...my future."

I bit my lip and felt tears rolling down my cheeks. "So...what are you saying John? I'm not good enough? Because I don't look the part, I can't fit the part??"

"Lucy I'm not saying that I just...fucking hell.." He shook his head and turned away. I could hear him begin to cry. I sniffled and wiped my tears. I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest.

"John...I love you... Nobody will love you as much as I do. You know that don't you? I may not be a good girl, sure I'm not loyal or perfect. But when I love someone, I sure as hell devote myself to them. I don't give a shit what people think of me. Because in my heart, I know you love me just as much."

He nodded and wiped his eyes. "Lucy it's just not that simple. I warned you that i'd hurt you. I told you not to get to hung up on me. I hate you for that. I just hate how much you make me love you. How much time I spend just thinking of ye. I can't do this Lucy."

"So then what?? You just leave me for her!? Is this what you really want John!? Just tell me right now and I'll leave. Cause I'm tired of looking like a fool! I've told everyone...Everyone about how much of a good man you really are. How you're not the selfish, angry, hurtful bastard everyone thinks you are! For three years now! But you know what!? I'm just so tired of it. Cynthia left you once she found you with another woman! She was so quick to leave and now you go back to her!? John I...I fuckin hate you."

I wiped my tears and stood up. I headed to the door but he stopped me. He stood in my way and wrapped his arms around me. I sobbed and held onto him tightly. I never wanted him to let go. I just needed to hear him say those three words. And as if he could read my mind...he said them.

"I love you. I love you so fuckin much. I owe you everything."

I looked up at him and stared into his red eyes. I leaned up and kissed him softly. I took his face into my hands, moving my lips with his. He kissed back eagerly and picked me up, carrying me to the bed.

....