Devil In Her Heart (John Lennon fanfic)

Chapter 65.

I was bored, typing about the experience of my stay here in Hamburg. It was part of my project for work. I lit a cigarette and took a long drag. Fucking hell I needed that.

August 24, 1960

.... Wait a minute. I just realised..oh no. I got up and ran to the calender hanging on the wall. This can't be. I took a deep breath and sat back down. I'm probably overreacting. I've been late before. This is probably just one of those times. Although i've never been three weeks late. I moved my hand over my stomach.

"No.. even if I am..I'm not ready. John's not ready."

Just then I heard the door open. "Lucy John wants to know if..."

I looked up to see Paul. He froze when he saw me with my hands over my stomach. I swallowed.

"What does he want to know?" I asked. He closed the door behind him.

"Lucy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just cramps that's all."

"Are ye sure this has nothin to do with you pukin your guts out all morning?"

"I probably caught something from someone. I'm fine now. Shouldn't you be insulting me or something?" I asked, getting back to my work.

"Lucy if something's wrong, tell me."

"I told you i'm fine. Just tell me what John wanted to know, call me a whore then leave okay?"

He sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. "He wants to know if ye can come down and fix his guitar. Luce I know you and me don't get on but.."

"But nothing okay? I know what you think of me. Why don't you call Cyn to come over and fix it for him? Seeing as you and her are best friends now."

"It's not like that Luce..."

"Then what huh? You just don't like me. Well you know what? I still like you and it kills me knowing we aren't friends anymore! Now I might even be pregnant with a baby I'm not ready to have because I don't want to ruin John's life! Go ahead and tell him! While you're at it, also tell him how I kissed George and how I slept with Stuart while you were all away! I'm tired of walking on pins and needles and having to watch my back because of you! Maybe then, I can stop taking fuckin pills just to keep myself from getting depressed!"

Paul just watched me as I wiped my tears. I swallowed and waited for him to blow up in my face. But he didn't. Instead he stood up and walked over to me, kneeling in front of me and pulling me into a hug. I was shocked at first but relaxed, my own arms wrapping around him. I cried into his chest and felt him hold me tighter.

"I..I never meant to hurt you so bad." He whispered. "I'm sorry."

I didn't say anything. I just cried and cried as he held me. He pulled back and sighed.

"I'm so confused Paul. I..I love John so much but, I think I'm in love with George too."

"I know Luce." He wiped my tears away and stood up. I looked up at him.

"Are you going to tell John any of this?"

He shook his head. "No. I won't tell anyone. I know you're not a bad person Lucy. I want to help you. I want to be that friend again...if you let me."

I bit my lip and nodded. "I think right now, I need a friend more than anything."

I stood up and walked over to him, hugging him again. "I've missed you Paul. The real you."

"I missed ye too Luce. More than you'll ever know."

...

I was sitting on the stage, my feet dangling over the edge as I fixed John's guitar. I sighed and took a drink of the tea Paul brought me. He told me it's best I don't drink alcohol for now. Even if it's just a stomach bug, I need to get well soon. John didn't seem to notice anything different. I don't think he even knew about mine and Paul's troubles. But George did. And he noticed the sudden change.

I was humming a song as George came over, sitting beside me.

"Ye know, you're really gettin used to fixin our intruments and setting up. Ye can be one of those people...what d'you call em.."

"A roadie?"

"Is that what they're called?"

"Yeah. I used to have a boyfriend back in Brooklyn who did the same sort of things. He helped bands with equipment and stuff. He didn't get paid for it but, he did get free tickets and got to travel."

I heard him laugh and shake his head. I looked at him.

"What?" I asked.

"Ye never talk about your past. Why not?"

That was a good question. I never realised how much I never talked about Brooklyn and everything I've experienced back home. It was also so weird realising how much Liverpool became my home. Once I met John, my life has been busy.

I shrugged. "I dunno. Nobody ever asks."

"If I asked would ye tell me?"

I nodded. "I suppose. I mean there's not much to tell."

"I'm sure there's lots."

I smiled at him. Just then Paul came by, looking frustrated.

"In twenty minutes, were goin to rehearse again. Stu's 'avin a bit trouble with a few songs. Bloody hell this is going to be a fucking long evening I can just tell." He groaned and ran his fingers through his hair.

George nodded and watched as Paul smiled at me.

"John's wonderin if you're done with his guitar."

"Oh yeah. Good as new." I smiled. He laughed and looked it over.

"Nice. Well, off to hell." He shook his head and walked off. I giggled, watching him walk away.

"So um, you two seem to be on good terms."

I nodded. "Yeah. We had a talk."

"That's great. Maybe now we can be the group we used to be." George smiled. I leaned my head on his shoulder and sighed.

"I wish it was that easy." I said reaching for his hand. He intertwined his fingers with mine and rested his head against my own.

....