The Third Everdeen

Chapter 42

I woke up suddenly when the curtain was flung open by Johanna. I squinted my eyes at the bright lights. 

"Well there she is; The Mockingjay," she taunted with a serious face. I was shocked to see her, she hadn't spoken a word to me since she got here, yet there she was sitting on my bed. "Oh, that speech you gave. Oh, man, feel. I mean I still have goosebumps. You don't mind do you?" She ripped my IV needle out of my arm and put in in her own, "They cut off my supply of morphling." I looked at her still a little drowsy and confused, "There's this head doctor that comes in and sees me every day, trying to help me adjust to reality. Like some guy from this rabbit's warren actually knows anything about my reality," She started flicking my morphling bag to get it to drip faster to her veins. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, "At least 20 times in a session, he tells me that I'm totally safe. Safe from the Capitol." She looked at me, "Safe from Snow. What about you Mockingjay? You feeling totally safe?" 

"Maybe till that gunshot," I answered.

She rolled her eyes, "Oh please. The bullet didn't even touch you. Cinna saw to that. Of course your costume would be bulletproof." I couldn't help but smile thinking about how Cinna was still looking out for me even though he'd been gone for a while now, "So what are you injuries?" She asked.

"Bruised ribs, bruised lung."

"I'm surprised they haven't found you a new lung," she responded sarcastically, "I mean, I've got two. Do you want one of mine?" 

"Not funny Johanna," I told her.

"I mean isn't it everybody's job to keep you alive?" She questioned.

I sat up a bit straighter, "Is that why you hate me?"

She shrugged, "Partly. You're also a little hard to swallow. The whole tacky romance drama and the 'defender of the hopeless' act." 

I rolled my eyes, "Well, maybe I should have just let my sister go in my place." I responded.

"I don't know, I feel like you both would suck at this job. Even though it's not an act. Which makes it even more unbearable. Feel free to take any of this personally," She told me.

"You could have been the Mockingjay, then no one would've told you what to do or say."

She nodded, "True. But nobody likes me." She looked over to the table by my bed and picked up the picture I swiped of my dad back in 12. 

"They're just scared of you. I know I was," I reminisced. 

"Maybe here..but...in the Capitol, you're the only thing that they're scared of," She set down the picture and picked up the necklace that Peeta had given me.

I looked over, "It's just some stuff my sisters brought from my room for me."

She picked up the pearl, "From Peeta?" She guessed.

I nodded sadly, "Mhm."

She looked at me sadly, "They messed us up pretty good, didn't they?" 

~

After Johanna left Haymitch and some doctors came in to wrap my wounds. As they were wrapping my torso Haymitch was telling me what they did.

"We shows him footage of your speech in 2. He had real memories of you," he told me.

I shook my head, "So? I'm not going back in there yet. Last time I went in there he almost killed me."

"He's strapped down, Lily. He can't hurt you."

I looked down, "Not physically, Haymitch. This is different. I really just.....don't want to." 

He looked at me sternly, "It doesn't matter what you want. It's for Peeta." he looked at me softly, "You know you want to help him. What's the harm in trying?" 

I sighed.

~

The door buzzed and I opened the door to Peeta's holding room. I walked in slowly, catching his eye the second I was in the room. For a split second I thought he was Peeta again, my Peeta. 

But instead he said, "I watched you die. You look terrible."

"You've had better days too, if my memory serves," I tried to make the conversation light-hearted.

He shook his head harshly, "You're not even remotely nice to say that to me now."

I looked at him sadly, "You were always nicer than I was. I only tried to be as nice as you."

He hesitated, not knowing if he should speak, "When I saw you die, I remembered something. About the bread." I almost broke down, but I didn't, "I remember you...in the rain. You looked so hungry. I burned it on purpose. To give it to you," I was shocked; he had never told me that before. "I remember my mother hitting me. I was supposed to give it to the pig."

"It was the first time we'd eaten in days," I told him.

"Why would I have taken a beating like that for you?" he asked.

I almost smiled, "Because you cared about me. You were generous, and kind and had a good heart." I paused. "People said you loved me."

"Did people say you loved me?"

"They didn't have to. I would tell them I do. They say that's why Snow took you. That's why he did all those things to you. He knew it would kill me to see you like this." I croaked.

His tone was cold, his eyes looked confused, mad and like stone, "Snow says that everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie." I looked at the ground, "All I know is that I would have saved myself a lot of suffering, if I had just given that bread to the pig...Maybe then I would not have spent countless nights thinking about baby names that were never going to come true since you killed it." I shot up to look at him in horror, he just accused me of killing my own baby. 

I turned around and walked out, tears burning in my eyes. I couldn't let him see me cry. Not this time. I clutched my abdomen and walked away from the room not looking back or waiting for Haymitch to catch up to me.