The Third Everdeen

Chapter 49

Finally being on ground level the first thing I saw was a screen with the word Wanted on it. The face on the screen at the time I passed it was Finnick's. I flinched and looked away as I continued following Cressida. Snow came down in little flurries, I would've thought it was cute and calm if I wasn't running for my life. We ran right to what looked like a dress shop. Cressida proceeded to bang on the door.

"Someone's coming," Peeta breathed as we saw a shadow approach the door and crack it open. 

We rushed inside and Cressida ordered her to shut the door, I brandished a knife at her and Cressida stopped me, "Lily, stop she's okay."

The woman was definitely from the capitol. Her whole body was made to look like a tiger. It was unnerving but to some extend I kind of expected it, she seemed so familiar to me. Katniss approached me cautiously and lowered my knife arm. 

Cressida took a step toward the woman, "Tigris, do you remember me?" She asked urgently. "I'm with Plutarch's underground. We need your help."

Tigris inclined her head and led us to the corner of a room, she lifted a carpet to expose a passageway.

I kept my eyes on her, then I realized why she looked so familiar, "I know you." I told her, "You were a stylist in the Games."

Tigris removed her hood, and spoke for the first time since we got there, "Until Snow decided I wasn't pretty enough anymore." 

I looked at her, more at ease, "I'm going to kill him." She looked at me and smiled.

We lined up and lowered ourselves one by one into the hidden room. The six of us left looked around our temporary shelter. We were momentarily safe and finally had a sliver of time to mourn. We lost so much in that short amount of time. Pollux was crying silently in a corner over his brother. I wanted to cry over Finnick, he was one of my closest friends. But in that moment the tears wouldn't come. It wasn't until I thought about what Annie was going to say that I teared up. 

"Gale needs stitches. Katniss should be in a cast," Cressida got my attention. I turned to look at my friend and my sister, both badly wounded. I removed my jacket and gave it to Cressida to make a makeshift sling for Katniss. 

I paused and took a breath, "I lied." Everyone looked at me, "I'm not on a mission from Coin. I made the plan myself. It's all my fault. Everyone who died...it's because of me. My stupid plan killed them."

"We all knew." Katniss confessed, flinching as Cressida wrapped her arm.

I looked at them confused, "Everyone?" I thought I had done at least a decent job of keeping my plan a secret. 

Cressida nodded, "You actually believed that Jackson thought you had orders from Coin? She trusted Boggs, who clearly wanted you to keep going." 

My tears burned my eyes, "I didn't mean for anyone to die. I fucked up. I lost. I-" I croaked, "I killed them. Finnick's blood is on my hands. I'm so sorry Pollux, it's my fault your brother is dead and I feel terrible I'm so sorry." Pollux looked at me and nodded, trying to ease me. But it didn't work.

Peeta was staring at the floor, "Glimmer, Marvel, Mags," At those names I started walking to him, confused as to why he was talking about them, "Clove, Wiress, Rue. What do all those deaths mean?" He looked up at me, "They mean that our lives were never ours," He shook his head, "There was no real life; because we didn't have any choice. Our lives belong to Snow and our deaths do too. But Lily; if you kill him. If you finish this. All those deaths, they'll mean something. Cinna, Boggs, Castor, Jackson, Finnick. They chose this," He nodded his head, "They chose you."

~

I sat by Peeta, taking a wet cloth to the bleeding cuts on his wrists from his handcuffs. 

"We have to keep these clean. We don't want them to get infected," I told him as I dabbed the cloth on his wrists.

"You should cuff me," Peeta told me in hushed tones, I looked at him sadly and shook my head but he looked down at were my hands once were, "It's not safe with me yet. I have moments when I'm here. And my memories are getting better, but...other times it's like I'm sleepwalking," I put my hand on his shoulder comfortingly, "You should cuff me," He nodded looking at me.

I paused then begrudgingly reached to where the handcuffs were. He held his hands out and let me put the restraints on him. I looked at his eyes, he looked so sad... I hesitated before i just thought fuck it and I ran my fingers through his hair for a second before getting up and setting up a little area for me to get some rest.

~

Later that night I couldn't sleep. I heard movement back where Peeta was and slowly moved my head to face him.

Gale and Katniss were up, they gave him a canteen to drink from, "Thanks."

"No problem," Katniss sat down next to him and Gale sat at their feet.

I saw my sister look in my direction and I closed my eyes to make it look like I was sleeping.

"She hasn't been sleeping." Katniss noted, her voice faced me.

"Yeah I haven't slept in days either," Peeta agreed. 

"The struggle is mutual," Gale responded.

There was a moment of silence, "We should have volunteered for you guys in the first Games," Katniss sighed.

"No, she didn't want you to. She wanted you two to take care of each other and the family just like you did."

Gale shook his head, "But there might be a chance that if we did then no one would be where we are and you two wouldn't be separated. She misses you like crazy."

"The way she kissed you. I know she never loved any of us the way she loves you," Katniss told Peeta.

"Oh, just part of the show." Peeta commented, Katniss spat back a no without hesitation. 

"She loved you for a long time, even before the games. All we ever wanted was for the two of you to be together. You gave up everything for her, all our lives the most happy we'd ever seen her was when she was with you." 

Suddenly there was movement on the upper level, I bolted up.

"Mortar shells. It's not ours," Gale announced, "Peacekeepers must be shellin' the rebels outside the city."

Cressida looked at the ceiling solmnly, "That's not outside the city."