no more by wishyourgirlfriend on tumblr
She was drunk.
She was very, very drunk.
It had been after you and her fought. It was just one fight, nothing too serious, but Nayeon had been having an exceptionally poor week, between her nonstop schedule with her company and the lack of sleep she was getting because of it, and your fight with her set her off. She stormed out of your apartment, and you knew she'd probably go get a drink. It was her escape from the constant stress she dealt with.
It started out as one, then two, then three drinks, and when a very pretty girl approached her, that was it. There was no going back as Nayeon, in a drunken haze, pulled the girl to the bathroom in the back of the bar, eyes dark and lustful.
Nayeon didn't know you came looking for her at the bar. You could only watch in horror as your girlfriend exited the bathroom with a stranger, the both of them hastily fixing their tops and attempting to wipe lipstick off their faces.
She had caught sight of you leaving the bar in a rush that night, and, the next morning, when she wasn't drunk but definitely hungover, she drove to your place with flowers and apology after apology.
She said it meant nothing. She said it was an accident, that it was the alcohol thinking, not her.
You were hurt. You were heartbroken. But you still loved her, and you forgave her, but you wouldn't forget.
Nothing was the same after that. You couldn't forget not matter how much you wanted to, and it was destroying your relationship with Nayeon. Fights over the silliest of things blew up into something much larger, and yelling and slamming doors became the norm within your relationship. You'd yell, she'd yell, you'd kick her out of your apartment, she's slam your door behind her- it was a cycle that just wouldn't be broken.
Of course, it was always Nayeon apologizing in the end, and it was you who always accepted the apology. Flowers, chocolates, kisses, anything to wipe away the emotional mess you two had created just hours before. She was desperate to hold on to you, but there was only so much you could handle before you knew something had to be done.
"I can't keep doing this." You mutter one day when Nayeon shows up at your door to apologize for the second fight that week. You stood in the doorway to your apartment, blocking Nayeon from coming in.
Nayeon raised her eyebrows in question, the flowers she held up to you sinking to her side. "What are you talking about?" She asked quietly, as if she knew what was coming.
"This." You gestured to the two of you, your tone sharp. "Us. What even is this, Nayeon? We fight, we make up, we fight, we make up. Over and over again. This isn't normal. This isn't healthy."
Nayeon looked panicked, like you were speaking another language and she had no idea how to respond. "(Y/N), c'mon, p-please don't say things like that. I know this has been messy, but we can fix this. We've always fixed this."
You laughed, a little too coldly, and Nayeon took a step back, her heart sinking. "Nothing was ever fixed, Nayeon, and we both know that. We just pushed it onto the back burner. We act like everything's okay, and then the next minute we're at each other's throats again. That's not fixed."
You had to look away when Nayeon started to cry. It was hard, standing there while the girl you loved sobbed in front of you, but comforting her would only bring you both back to the start of the same vicious cycle that had become your life over the past few months.
"(Y/N), I'm sorry, I know this is my fault, and I know I can't ever take back what I did, but please don't give up on me- on us." Nayeon's voice was shaky and weak, but your eyes remained focused on your feet rather than on the girl in front of you. "I made this mess, but please give it one more chance. I love you, I don't want to be without you. We can fix this, (Y/N), we can fix it."
When you finally looked up to meet Nayeon's eyes, you were crying as well, tears spilling down your cheeks as you bit your lip at the sight of Nayeon's own tear stained face. "I don't think this is something that can ever be fixed, Nayeon."
You stepped back into your apartment, and with one last glance towards Nayeon, you shut the door, leaving the girl out in the apartment hallway, flowers in hand, tears falling to the floor.
And just like that, she was alone.
