Fixing you |~| louis Tomlinson

Uhmmm

'Band member louis Tomlinson was rushed into hospital last night regarding a suicide attempt shown by various speed cameras. We pray he makes a speedy recovery'

That's the one article he had watched since being awake after several days. He'd been alone for most of them, not wanting anybody near him and calling for assistance if anybody tried. He was even declining Sophia's presence and that was upsetting her greatly. All she wanted to do was be there to help.

"This is your fault liam" Sophia accused "I told you he wasn't alright and you didn't listen"

"I'm sorry taking him out of ageplay caused him to try commit suicide. Not once did I think it would end in results so disastrous"

"Well it did Liam and I hope you don't forgive yourself for it"

Louis played absentmindedly with his fingernails each one becoming a perfect shape from the constant biting. The news didn't have the rights to disclose his information like that. To publicly display that Louis no longer wanted to be here anymore. It's true that has his intoxicated brain that night had become the primary source of wanting to jump in the first place, if he had been clean headed he could have thought things through more rationally.

"Please Lou, I really just need to speak to you. It's killing me" Sophia whimpered popping her head around.

"Just you" he asked.

"Just me"

With that Louis automatically covered his body so it wasn't on show to Sophia, it really would only upset her. His arms were littered with bruises and cuts and the stitches lay prominent in his forehead but that was something he was unable to cover up.

"Was it because of me" Sophia whispered.

This is when he felt guilty. Of course it wasn't remotely anything to do with the girl that Louis had gone on such a ruthless night. He had done it why? He was positive he'd done it because of the sudden stress of having to be big. He did like his former self very much, being able to express himself openly and clearly however he craved being little so much more. To relive a childhood that he never once had. The band didn't know much about Louis' childhood but his frequent nightmares that woke him in the night gave away enough for anybody who was listening. Since being little he no longer had them nightmares. A blockade of safety shielded him from what he used to call his life but now he'd be forced to relive it. The stress, the drama, the attention.

"It wasn't you" he promised quietly "I want to tell you something"

"There's no rush baby I'll be here as long as you need"

"I was adopted at a young age by a couple called James and Lisa. They're the parents to my sisters but being a non biological child I think they found it very hard to love me the same. And oh boy did it show. I never did what children did, I cooked, cleaned. I was a money making mule for them pretty much" he sighed "and when my time in the band came all my money went directly to them until I turned 18"

"Isn't that illegal" Sophia asked "if the funds weren't being spent on you"

"I'm not sure, can I carry on. I just want you to know"

"Sure sweetie, go ahead I'm here"

"Me and Lottie were of a similar age, she was 2 years younger and watching her grow up in a completely different way to me was difficult. I was of course jealous. They never acknowledged my talent up until I could make them money, then they had several interviews expressing how proud they were of me and it honestly ruined me. Whilst Lottie was learning how to ride a bike, I was in a shop earning money to go directly into their pockets. I had to learn myself how to ride a bike, often slipping out at night and taking her bike from the shed. They had so much and I had nothing. They had love that I could never be able to claim myself and this is what happened again" louis finally broke "I had you and Liam, you made me feel like I was important, I did truly think Liam loved me for my little side as well as my big side but it's prominent that he also likes me when I can produce money"