I Hate Him || JinKook

40 - Healing Myself

Jin's POV

❝ Seokjin Hyung,

Hyung, I have committed a very big sin towards you and I don't deserve to be forgiven. I know how much you hate me. I also hate myself because of that. I can't stop thinking what should I do with myself, what should I do to make you forgive me but at the same time I can't forgive myself.

But I know how to put your pained heart in ease. I hope by doing this, you won't be in misery again, hyung. I can't do anything much to repay your kindness but I hope this will show you how much I regret everything.

Just like Taemin, I also don't deserve to be standing before you. I'm sorry that I have lived only making your life a hell.

Please kiss Yoon for me, for the last time. I'm sure he will be growing up to be an angel like you. Jungkook is lucky to have you and him, and I envied him. I shouldn't have felt that way because I should've known my place, but I can't deny the feeling.

And lastly, thank you for forgiving me, for everything you have done for me. I hope you will find happiness in the future, Hyung. You deserve a beautiful world around you. Please be happy hyung.

I love you, hyung.
-Namjoon ❞

I folded the letter. My tears kept running down. I clutched it to my chest, feeling the pain as I tried to suppress the sob sounds.

I was alone in my room. It was almost 7 and Jungkook wasn't home yet. Today after taking me to the police station, Jungkook dropped me off at home and rushed to the office.

I didn't want to read the letter, I tried to wait until Jungkook home but the curiosity just kicked in as I really wanted to know the letter's content. And I couldn't say I regretted it because I was already in crying mess.

It was true Namjoon had done something bad to me, but he helped me a lot during my lowest time. He brought lights to my life, I even tried to accept his feelings towards me but I couldn't! I couldn't forget Jungkook even after we were separated.

Maybe his plan to separate Jungkook and I had worked, but he couldn't have my heart. It was unfair when we were forced to love someone when we already gave it to someone we loved.

And this might the reason why I couldn't bring myself to love Namjoon even after he had helped me a lot. Because I belonged to Jungkook.

Namjoon had regretted his wrongdoings and I had no right to judge him more. I just prayed for him.

I looked at the letter again.

"I forgive you Namjoon. Please rest in peace. Thank you for everything you have done for me. May all your kindness be paid off".

I put the letter inside the drawer. And I smiled as if a load of burdens were lifted from my chest. It felt so calm.

"Jin!" I heard Jungkook's voice filling the room. I immediately wiped off the remaining tears on my cheeks. I didn't want him to know I cried today.

I looked over and saw him walked towards me with smile plastered on his face. I smiled back and hugged him.

"I miss you", He whispered into my ear. I chuckled and tightened the hug.