I'm going slightly mad // Hardzello

Chapter 13

The next day Ben is awoken by someone shaking him slightly. He mumbles that he wanted to sleep more before turning around rolling himself into his blankets.
"If you keep sleeping we are going to be late on set. You know Mitch won't be happy if we are." Gwil is still seated on the other side of the bed. He has his hand removed from Ben's shoulder The latter finally sits up, stretching out. The muscles in his neck pop. Gwil cringes at the sound.
"How late did you fall asleep?" Gwil asks as he sees the quite awoken Ben. 
"Right after you left. I took some sleep medicine. Otherwise, I would still be awake by now. Mitch wouldn't appreciate my being a zombie either." Gwil laughs at first but his face quickly turns into a frown.
"How many pills are you allowed to take?" Ben sighs. He knows he can't lie about this. Gwil will immediately know when he does. 
"One each day. But the less the better." He says. 
"And how many did you take?" Ben hoped this follow-up question wouldn't be asked. He knows that he has to admit that he took a slight overdose. Not too big to cause damage but it still is an overdose. Ben knows he shouldn't have taken the pills but he didn't want to worry more than he should.
"Two, but only because I knew if only took one I would still be awake." Gwil sighs shaking his head.
"Don't do that again, please. I don't want to lose you over such a stupid thing. Now go get dressed, I will wait outside your room." Gwil stands up from the bed and walks over to the door. Ben puts on some simple jeans and a shirt. With a brush and some hairspray, he styles his hair. He doesn't pay too much attention to his looks today. They're not going to shoot anything. There is a lot of rehearsing on the planning. Where he, luckily, didn't have to look on his best.

Barely five minutes later Ben walks out of his room. Gwil is leaning against the wall.
"Are you ready?" Ben can't help but roar a 'ready Freddie' back, trying his best to sound at least a little like Roger. Gwil burst out in laughter. Soon followed by Ben. Gwil can't help but be happy because of the big smile on Ben's face. He pities the younger boy. First of all, being in love with your best friend isn't easy. And then you get your heartbroken by that friend is even worse. It worries Gwil that he hasn't heard anything from Rami yet. He assumes that the two of them are still in Joe's room. He hopes it with all his heart. Otherwise, the confrontation between Ben and Joe might be more uncomfortable. Once Ben and Gwil reach the breakfast area the latter lets out a loud sigh as Rami and Joe are nowhere to be seen.

After they have filled their plates with food they sit down at a table together. They talk about everything. From family to filming to life besides work. But both are staying away from their love life and Joe as a subject. At the point that they're both almost done eating Joe walks in.
"Just so you know Joe is walking in. Maybe you should let him talk. You can't run away from his the coming months." Gwil says. Ben closes his eyes, taking a shaky breath. That's when Joe walks over to their table. He never makes eye contact with either of them.
"Ben, could I maybe talk with you?" His voice cracks halfway through the sentence.
"Can it here?" Ben asks. Joe let his eyes drift towards Gwilym. Who simply looks at Ben.
"Gwil already knows what is going on. He found me in my room crying yesterday." Joe's eyes get bigger and his gaze directly moves to Ben.
"You cried?" Joe's expression changes from being nervous to very concerned in a matter of a few seconds. 
"Yes, of course. You broke my fucking heart, Joe. Do you think I would walk happily around after that?" Gwil can see how hurt Ben is. His eyes close for a few seconds. His breathing quicken within a few breaths. He looks like he is getting angry instead of sad. Gwil takes his eyes from Ben to look at Joe. Who looks like he is about to cry. 
"Haven't you read all the messages I sent you?" Joe asks.
"No, I turned off my phone. I didn't want to get hurt more than I already was." Ben still stares at his plate. Here and there he looks around the room but he never looks at Joe.
"May I please read the messages to you? If, after that, you still want me to leave then I will. But please give me this chance." Joe already has his phone in his hand. His right food taps in a fast rhythm on the ground. Ben looks up at Gwilym as he searches for a suggestion. Gwilym nods his head barely. Just enough for Ben to see but not too obvious for Joe.
"Go ahead." Ben nods while saying it as an extra confirmation.
"I will read every single message. I sent the first one around the minute you left.

(00:04) Ben, can you come please come back?

(00:05) I don't think you are weird. Not at all. There is a reason I stayed silent but I would rather talk about it in person.

(00:09) Can you come back, please?

(00:16) You're probably mad at me right now but please give me the chance to explain myself, Ben.

(00:34) Alright, I think you're maybe already sleeping. I just wanted to get this out of the way. I do love you, Ben. It took me long enough to admit it to myself. Then I took a long time convincing myself that you would never fall for me. That I should give up. When you told me yesterday that you wanted me to be your boyfriend it felt so suddenly. I simply couldn't believe it. For some reason, my brain thought that it was a dream or that you were lying. I know you weren't but that was just the moment. My mind needed some time to process everything and before it was done you were already gone. Please don't be sad or mad about this. I love you Ben with whole my heart. And three hours ago I was maybe too scared to admit that. But now I am not. I love you.

(00:35) So to make it official: Ben Hardy, will you go on a second date with me?

(00:51) I get it if you don't want to. But please let me know what you're okay. I am worried sick.

(00:53) But I think you want your privacy so I will stay in my own room. Please let me know that you're okay...

(01:45) Sorry for the spam. I am really truly sorry for what I might have caused. I didn't mean to. My own stupid panicking thoughts have ruined everything. But I just want you to know that I mean every single word I have said. And I will understand if you don't forgive me. That's all I have to say. Goodnight Ben"

Joe stopped reading. He holds the phone so tight in his hand that his knuckles slowly turn white. It takes a few seconds before he is able to look up at the table. Gwil has left. Joe hadn't even noticed because he was so busy reading the messages out loud and not to start crying. He waits for a reaction from Ben. Either asking for him to stay or to go. 

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Hi sweeties,

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you loved this chapter. I ended again with a cliffhanger. I'm sorry (nope I'm not. I love cliffhangers haha)

I hope you have a nice day (or sleep well tonight if it is already in the evening for you.)

I love all of you!

Xx itsametaphorjoe