I'm going slightly mad // Hardzello

Chapter 42

As soon as Joe is in their building he rushes up the stairs. Normally he would have taken the elevator, but he doesn't want to wake anyone with the sound it makes when the doors open. He already has the keys in his hands. As soon as he is inside he collapses on the couch. The weird feeling hasn't passed. He tries to remember if he has eaten or something to drinking the day before. Besides a cup of water in the morning and the cup of tea in the evening, he can't think of more. He walks over to the kitchen and as quiet as he can he makes himself some toast and he grabs a big glass of water.

After eating everything he places the dishes in the sink. He will deal with that tomorrow as soon as he wakes up. As quiet as he can he walks past his own bedroom on his way towards their guest room. The door is on a crack and he can't help but look inside. Ben is laying on his side facing away from the door. Joe bites his lip when the urge to lay next the boy comes back, but he resists and walks away. Right before he wants to open the door of their guestroom he hears a small whimper coming from their bedroom. Followed by another. He walks back towards their bedroom. Ben has rolled over to his back and he is shaking slightly. A whine escapes from his lips. His eyes are tightly shot and Joe can see his chest falling up and down really fast. He opens the door and closes it behind him. Joe takes a deep breath before walking over. He lays down on the bed next to Ben. With both of his hands, he grabs Ben's shoulders. At first, he shakes him very gentle, but when Ben doesn't wake up he starts shaking him harder. Ben stirs a few times and keeps whimpering.

With a final tug, Ben wakes up. Without opening his eyes he flinches away from Joe.
"Don't hurt me. Please, don't hurt me." He tries to get away from his boyfriend, but Joe isn't going to let that happen.
"Look at me, Ben. It's me. I'm not going to hurt you." Ben opens his eyes and carefully looks up. He sighs in relief as soon as he sees Joe.
"I'm going to put on my pyjamas and then I'll lay with you." Joe is already out of bed. With his back towards Ben, he quickly changes his jeans for a pair of sweats and a white shirt is thrown over his head. As soon as he turns around he sees Ben staring at him. He decides to leave it unnoticed and lays down on his spot again. As soon as he opens his arms Ben crawls over. He places his head on Joe's chest. The latter traces small figures on the younger actor's back.
"We- we should talk." Ben says after a few seconds.
"We will make breakfast tomorrow and then we will talk. Both of us need to catch some sleep first." Joe kisses Ben's forehead before closing his eyes.
"Thanks for coming back." Ben whispers.
"I could never have left you." Joe responds. His eyes are still closed and he tries his best to fall asleep. He can feel Ben burying his head deeper in Joe's chest.
"Hey, it's okay. I'm here now. You are safe." Joe says quietly. Ben nods his head in Joe's chest. The latter goes back to drawing circles on Ben's back. Slowly he feels Ben's head on his chest getting heavier, indicating that he is falling asleep. Joe keeps his eyes shut before drifting in a deep sleep as well.

*******

The next morning Joe wakes up in an empty bed. He hears sounds coming from the kitchen. After going to the bathroom he walks into the kitchen.
"Hey, can I help?" He asks. Ben turns around with his hand above his heart.
"I didn't hear you walk in. No, this is the least I can do. Just sit and relax." Ben says before turning towards the stove again. The atmosphere is tense. Neither of them know what they should say. After a while, a plate is placed in front of Joe it's filled with typical English breakfast. Something Ben knows Joe likes a lot. Ben grabs his plate before sitting down across from Joe.
"Where did you go yesterday?" Ben asks before grabbing the first piece of toast from his own plate.
"I walked around the city all day. I stopped at central park for an hour or so. At the end of the day, I went to Gwil. I needed a place to stay." Joe explains before he begins eating.
"Why did you come back here in the middle of the night?" Ben asks as he continues with eating his bacon.
"I don't know. I had this horrible feeling and I immediately had the thought that I needed to come home." As soon as Joe is done speaking Ben has an unreadable expression on his face.
"What is on your mind?" Joe asks after a little while.
"It might sound silly, but what if it was because I had a nightmare? Because you came in at the right moment. Never mind that was probably just a coincidence." Ben doesn't look up and keeps playing with his food.
"Maybe we really are soulmates." Joe says. Ben looks up with a spark of joy in his eyes. 

"You were not thinking about breaking up with me?" Ben asks. With a huge hint of doubt in his voice.
"That wasn't on my to-do list for today." Ben smiles as soon as he sees the look on Joe's face.
"But we do need to talk. Because it is kind of serious that you would think that I would cheat on you. I would never do that to you." Ben bites his lip slightly before looking up at Joe.
"I know Joe. I really do, but I was so confused about you leaving in the middle of the night to go over to a friend's house. That my mind just made quick links. And the wrong ones. I know that now. Just, I was afraid I would lose you. I love you, Joe." Ben looks Joe in the eye. He hopes that Joe will see that he truly means it.
"I love you too. Can I have a hug?" Without thinking twice Ben gets up from his chair. He pulls Joe to his feet and wraps his arms around him. Neither of them says anything but they just hold each other. They know what the other wants to say.

After a few minutes, Ben pulls away. He uses his hand to brush some hairs out of Joe's face.
"I am sorry." He says quietly.
"I know. And I'm sorry for storming off. I knew if I would act at the moment that I would end up either getting really angry or really sad. I didn't want to hurt you like that. But now lets eat and go pack our stuff for Japan." Joe sits down at the table again before diving right at his food again.
"Yeah, Joe about that. There is a little problem." Ben says. Joe looks up with a confused look on his face. He raises one eyebrow in the air while he waits for Ben to start talking again. 

***********
Hey lovies,

We reached the 10K reads! Because of this amazing milestone I will be uploading another chapter tomorrow. So, stay tuned!

Thank you so much for all the reads! 10K is a massive amount. It means a lot that y'all like it so much!

I always wonder, if you have to choose, what would your favourite scene in this book be so far?

Goodbye,

Xx Itsametaphorjoe