Storm In The Middle Of Summer

Wakas

Hacky Ignacio POV

Nuong mga bata pa tayo ang dami nating tanong. Bakit ganito? Bakit ganiyan? Paano nangyari ito? Hanggang sa maging teenager na tayo. Marami parin tayong tanong ngunit mas seryoso na. Bakit kaya ganito sila Mama at Papa? Bakit hindi niya ako pinili? Bakit niya ako niloko? Bakit parang hindi nila ako mahal? Bakit pa kaya ako nabuhay? Ano bang kwenta ko sa mundong ito. Bakit niya kaya ginawa iyun? Bakit kaya nangyayari sa akin ito? Bakit tila galit sa akin mundo? Bakit walang kayang magmahal sa akin? Bakit parang binuhay ako para maging mag-isa? And everytime we don't get any answers for this questions we get frustrated. But as we grow older all of our questions slowly get answers. And we will realize that everything happen for a reason. We just need to fight and wait until we find all answer to all our questions. Because I promise you there are reasons for everything. Even you living here.

A 18 year old girl is sitting in front of me now. Nakaupo lang siya sa harap ng mesa ko at hindi man lang nag-aangat ng tingin. Tila ba nagmamatigas. Ayaw magpapasok ng kung sino. Tinatago niya ang takot niyang may makaalam sa kung sino talaga siya. Habang ako ay nakaupo sa harap niya. Dito sa komportable kong swival chair. Wearing my white doctor gown. With my long, black, straight hair. Inside the gown is emerald green dress paired with a nude stilitoes.

This 18 year old girl is my patient. Dinala siya ng mga magulang niya dito dahil nagtangkang magpakamatay. Ilang beses ko na siyang na-meet ngunit hindi siya basta-basta nagsasabi ng tunay na nararamdaman. Which is very common for me.

Umupo ako ng maayos at hinarap siya. "Hija, alam mo kung bakit gustong magpakamatay ng mga tao? Oo, dahil nasasaktan sila, nahihirapan at hindi nila kaya pero alam mo iyung pinakadahilan? Para mapansin sila."

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin dahil sa huli kong sinabi. Her cold and blank expression is still there.

"Sa isip nila kapag nagpakamatay sila magsisi na lahat ng taong nanakit sa kanila. Pagsisihan ng magulang nila na binalewala lang siya nila. Na minaliit nila siya dahil sa mga bagay na hindi niya kayang gawin, for being a useless daughter. Maiisip nila na sana pala hindi nila ginawa yuon sa anak nila. Sana pala pinaramdam na lang nila kung gaano nila siya kamahal. Ngunit huli na ang lahat wala na ang anak nila. At ang mga kaibigan niya ay napapansin na sa wakas ang sakit at hirap na nararamdaman niya. Everyone will regrets for not taking care of you when you're still alive. Everyone will finally see your worth. Kasi alam mo  kapag namatay ang tao tsaka lang nila maalala ang kabutihan nito." Nagkibitbalikat ako.

Nakuha ko na ang atensiyon niya. She's crying now. She's crying too hard.

I held her hand. "You know what? Right now you are drowning? You are drowning in a very deep ocean. Malamig, madalim,nakakatakot, wala kang ibang marinig at ikaw lang mag-isa. You've been there for a long time, alone, hurt and no one know. And you are seeking help. Hinihintay mong may mag-ahon sayo mula sa pagkakaluhod. Kung hindi pamilya mo o mga kaibigan mo baka ang lakaking nakatadhana sayo. Pero wala ni isa sa kanila ang dumating para tulungan ka kaya mas lalo mong nararamdamang mag-isa ka. But not because you can't see them it doesn't mean that they don't want to help you. It doesn't mean they are not there. They are there. They want to save you but they can't because you're drowning too deep that they can't find you. Hija, hindi sila ang magsasagip sayo, hindi rin ako at hindi rin ang Diyos. Bakit? Kasi laban mo ito. Hindi nila at hindi namin. In order to leave that drowning feeling you need to learn to swim. I know it will be hard. It will be so hard that it might take years. But you know what once you learn to swim and to fight alone you will never budge again. You will be strongest among the strongest. And if you finally surface in that deep ocean thats when you can finally see your love one even Him. You will see that even they're love for you is not perfect but it's more than enough to live. And God will be so proud that her daughter defeat the challenge she gave to her."

She cried and cried. I hugged and comforted here.

"You know what the most bravest thing you can do in this life is to see how beautiful it is even all of this pain and heartache." I keep patting her back when someone suddenly barge in my office.

"Mommy!" My three year old daughter announced happily. She's wearing a flowy dress with flowers printed on it. She has curly hair like his father. Though of course hers is longer. She has his fair skin too but except of that all her features came from me.

In her back is Tom and our five year old son. Tom is still tall and masculine. His hair is shorter like how we first met. His wearing black long sleeve, black slacks and a dark leather shoes. His intimidating, ruthless and cold aura is still there. Our son look like him so much. His wearing a long army pants and a white t-shirt with a dog tag in her neck.

"Baby. Diba sabi ko sayo kumatok muna." Marahan kong sabi sa anak na ang atensiyon na ay nasa umiiyak kong pasyente.

Pinanuod ko siyang nag-aalalang lumapit sa pasyente ko. "Are you fine? Did Mama away you?"

"No. It's not like that." Napapaos na sabi ng pasyente ko. "Una na po ako." Nagmamadaling paalam nito sa akin.

"Sige, ingat ka." Tanging nasabi ko.

Nang nakalabas na ang pasyento ko ay agad akong mahigpit na niyakap ng anak ko. Her name is Harianne. Binuhat ko siya upang mayakap at mahalikan. While Hunter, my son is busy playing with my swival chair. Si Tom naman ay lumapit sa akin at inagaw si Harriane upang maibaba. Pinalitan niyo ito sa pagyakap sa akin.

"I'm so tired." Reklamo niya.

Sinuklian ko din ang yakap niya. "Because you are workaholic. You know what. I need to fixed that. You should have therapy for that. And you're to obsessed with me. We need to fixed that also.

Nag-aagawan na ang mga anak namin sa swival chair ko. And as always the younger one cried.

"Hunter." Saway ni Tom.

"Ako ang nauna dito." My son guilty said.

"Still. You are older. You should always the one to give way."

Tom is always harder when it comes to our son but I can't deny that his a good father and a good husband. Kahit na lagi siyang abala. Sinisigurado niyang nabibigyan niya kami ng oras. As years passed mas napagtanto naming napakahirap pala ng buhay mag-asawa ngunit masaya. Ganuon siguro talaga kapilit ng saya ay paghihirap. In order to be happy you need to be in pain first.

Hinalikan ko muna sa pisngi si Hunter bago ko binuhat ang umiiyak na si Harianne. Hawak ko naman si Hunter sa isa kong kamay. Dinala ko sila palabas ng opisina ko. Si Tom ay nakasunod lang. Nagpagawa kami ng sarili kong clinic sa katabing building lang ng Hotel nila Tom. Pupunta kami ngayon sa isang restaurant para magdinner. Maglalakad lang kami dahil malapit lang naman ang pupuntahan naming restaurant.

Habang buhat ko si Harianne, at hawak ko sa isa kong kamay si Hunter. Si Tom naman ay nakaakbay sa akin. Binalingan ko ang Manila Bay. Madilim na ngunit puno ng ilaw ang dalampssigan.

Looking back it was sure hard but it's worth it. The world gave me so much pain because my heart wish for so much too. The world stole all things we have in order to know how important every little thing is. The pain, betrayal, tiredness and loneliness can only do two things for us. It's either made us die or made us stronger. And I'm very proud to say that it made me stronger. Stronger enough to see what I have than the things I don't have.

It's sure a worth it journey and I know that it will still be a long way.