Call It What You Want: Home Series 1 (Trans!Steve and Pan!Bucky Summer AU)

Nineteen

"Stevie?" Natasha softly questioned as she gently touched his shoulder.

Blinking, Steve realized that he was on the bed, facing the window. His pillow was wet and his face felt sticky. Stiffly, Steve stretched his legs out from where they had been kept close to his chest. Realizing that in his mental spiral of his abandonment issues, he had curled up into the fetal position.

Turning to look at Natasha, Steve rubbed his eyes while she quietly asked, "You okay?"

"Yeah," Steve croaked out his reassurance. The instant regret closed in on him when he noticed the deep furrowed brow on his best friend's face. Steve noticed that the sky was gray and he asked, "Time?"

"It's going on seven," Natasha answered, handing Steve a bottle of water. Steve graciously took it from her and slowly sat up before chugging half the bottle. Natasha was still watching Steve with worried eyes and she asked, "Are you okay?"

Steve nodded and looked down at his hand in embarrassment, "Yeah. I'm just... a little fatigued."

"Okay," Natasha readily agreed, even though Steve was sure that she could see right through him. Standing up, she asked, "Are you hungry?"

Worrying his lower lip with his teeth, Steve kept his gaze on his hands. His embarrassment grew as he wondered if the rest of the Barnes family knew what had happened. Thinking about it, Steve's cheeks started to get redder and his lip quivered as the tears started building in his blue eyes again. This wasn't how Steve imagined the vacation being as. He was supposed to be the calm and collected one that balanced out Natasha's dramatics.

"Ya know," Natasha started, gaining Steve's attention. With her hands on her hips, Natasha huffed out a breath and teased, "This could be good. Give me an excuse to avoid everyone."

"Funny," Steve deadpanned before rolling his eyes. He sniffled and wiped his face. As he felt the stickiness from his previous tears, Steve sighed and stood from the bed. Entering the bathroom to wash his face.

Catching a glance of his reflection, Steve noticed how splotchy his face was and how glassy his eyes were. Not only that, but his short floppy hair was stuck to the side of his face from the way his tears had streamed down his temple.

Getting to work, Steve pushed his hair out of his face and wet a washcloth. Scrubbing his face aggressively in his attempts to get his face all one color. Even if that one color was simply red.

Evaluating his face, Steve rasped, "I don't look too splotchy, right?"

"No," Natasha reassured from the doorway. Steve didn't seem so sure and Natasha clarified, "Red, but not splotchy. Like you just woke up from a nap."

Steve nodded, turning back to the mirror. Fixing his hair the best that he could. Steve wondered if he should say something, but didn't know what. An apology was on the tip of his tongue, but Steve knew that Natasha would never accept it. Natasha would brush it off, understanding that Steve should be able to feel whatever he was feeling. That Steve's emotions were valid.

A knock on the bedroom door interrupted anything that Steve was planning on saying and Natasha stepped back into the bedroom and Steve followed. Opening the door, Mandy stood there and she seemed pleased to find Steve.

"Oh, good, you're awake," Mandy greeted, smiling at Steve. Looking between Natasha and Steve, Mandy declared, "Dinner is almost ready."

"Okay, thanks," Natasha nodded. Glancing over her shoulder, it was clear that she was silently questioning Steve if he was ready. Natasha looked back at Mandy and relayed, "We'll be out in a minute."

Once the door was closed, Natasha looked back at Steve and Steve let out a deep breath that he wasn't aware he had been holding. Steve asked, "Should I go out there?"

Momentarily, Natasha's expression took on one of worry before completely disappearing as the lines in her face smoothed. Natasha evaluated Steve before encouraging, "You most definitely should."

Chewing on his lower lip, Steve nodded and stood a little taller as he followed Natasha out of the bedroom. Trying to appear more confident in the moment than he actually felt. After all, he was hoping that the Barnes didn't know what had actually been going on. Sure, they seemed nice and all, but Steve didn't want to think of all the negative things they could think about him if they knew.

There were just certain things in his life that Steve wanted to keep to himself. He was sure that they'd be able to understand. Or, at least he hoped they would.