F1, F2 & F3 : Finished

• Carlos S •

✨laraF1lover ✨

I thought I heard a car pull into the driveway and rushed down stairs in the hopes of seeing Carlos to hand him the papers but it was just the neighbours passing down the road on the way to their house. I can't lie and hide away from the fact that I'm jealous of the neighbours relationship, an elderly couple late in their retirement, married for 60 years; always smiling, laughing and sharing their love for each other. They embody what a marriage should be. Me and Carlos on the other hand, well I don't know what we embody. Two people who have shared too much heartbreak to spare any more love for other people.

I looked at the large wedding photo that hung over the fireplace and sank down onto the sofa, tears bubbling over already at the thought that it could all go wrong again. The night of our marriage I fell pregnant and told Carlos when I was four weeks alongs. However, just two weeks later after I'd told Carlos about the baby we lost our baby due to "unseen circumstances" according to the doctor. I scoffed: those unseen circumstances destroyed us; not knowing what could of been, who we could have raised. We felt down constantly, tears appearing at the most random of times and even worse when the tv crew caught Carlos in tears as he climbed into his car and decided to broadcast it to all their channels; that's when the rumours started:

Carlos Sainz new marriage over!
Confirmed Sainz Split!
Seems Norris was a better fit for Y/N!

We managed to soldier through it and eventually came out with happy memories of cherishing our little angel whilst we had them. Yet it happened again, this time much further on in this pregnancy, we knew it was a boy, we had decorated the nursery in a racing theme; even "uncle" Lando was excited and pictures of me with a baby bump were everywhere and then they stopped. All because he had left us to go fly with his brother or sister. This time it hit Carlos hard, he had visions of raising a son who shared his passion for cars, he already had our boys first helmet design planned. The day I after I told him I found the design shoved into the study bin, I delicately picked it out and after folding it, placed it in my purse; hoping to imagine that we did have a little boy.

This is when Carlos stopped. Stopped laughing, stopped smiling, stopped loving. He spent his days on the simulator and his nights in a bar. He barely talked to me and when he did it was only mumbles of "I'm going out, don't wait up." Before he shut the door and went off alone. I could see it every time I looked in his eyes, he was in anger, anger at this house, this marriage and at me. At night I tried to pull myself closer toward him, resting my head on his shoulder but he only shrugged me off and rolled over.

The door finally slammed shut and Carlos, treading rather heavily, appeared in the lounge.

"I told you not to wai-" I cut him off as I stood up from the sofa, furiously wiping my tears away.

"No Carlos, I'm talking for once, actually speaking my mind, can you believe it?"

I spat the words out as I only now realised I always did what Carlos wanted after we lost our children, I was never allowed to go out, I always had to cook what he wanted, I wasn't allowed to talk to him at night and he chose what I wore when he did let me leave.

"I'm done with your behaviour and attitude towards me, I needed you, we needed each other and you left me alone for days on end, barely talking to me when you were here, this marriage is falling apart, tomorrow is our anniversary and it's past midnight and you've only just come home! You're never here anymore Carlos!"

I finally snapped, I shouted it at him, my hands throwing themselves in the air above my head as rage and bottled up fury finally unleashed itself after three years,

"You leave me to sit and mourn the loss of two children on my own in this huge empty house whilst you go and party and do your job, you get to live your life Carlos whilst you left me picking up the pieces!" I seethed, my mind thinking so many thoughts I couldn't even process what I wanted to say to him until it hit me. I silently walked towards him until I was right in-front of him, my voice came out in slow whisper, cracking with a sob,

"We both lost children Carlos, not just you."

He pulled me into his body but I pushed him off,

"No, I don't want your hugs or love after three years I want it to be over!" I snapped, going upstairs grabbing the papers and rushing back down before he could follow me up.

I shoved them into his chest and watched as his face fell in desperation,

"Mi amor, no no you can't do this to me... I'm sorry baby I didn't want to leave you alone but you can't do this to me, I need you, I love you!" He bit back a sob,

"I needed you for the longest time Carlos when I was at my lowest low and I thought I would love you for all eternity but sometimes love runs out."

With a last glance at the divorce papers he was clutching to his chest I sent him a small look and walked out...