F1, F2 & F3 : Finished

• Alex A •

✨kpopisbaeee ✨

I want to go back to the times where Alex would hold me close in his sleep. Press light light kisses against my face when I woke up and whisper the words of how he loved me so much against my ear once more. Yet, I'm lay here alone, he should be back in the hotel room by now but he called me to say he has some extra interviews and sponsor appearances to do. Tonight I just wanted normal Alex, my Alex, not redbull racing PR robot Alex and not the upcoming Thai racing superstar that the press loves to throw him as. He barely has time for me anymore, he invites me to races but doesn't talk to me when I'm here, and, on the off chance he is home he spends it doing promo things.

I just want the quiet, caring Alex back. I want a break, and I'm praying silently in my mind it's only a break. I look up to the door as it slowly opens but have to squint as the room is thrust into bright light after the click of the switch by the door is pressed.

"Hey." Alex says as he makes his way over to the bed, quietly changing into his joggers and slipping under the duvet beside me. He pulls me tightly into his arms and presses a light kiss on my shoulder.

I sigh softly in a conflict of emotions, this is what I've wanted right? For Alex to come home and hold me close, and yes, it feels great, his body warmth spreading onto my skin. Yet, I can't help but wonder for how long it will last as by tomorrow the redbull racing suit will be back on and Alex will only be allowed to say certain things and act a certain way. I understand some of RedBulls concerns, Alex is an extremely quiet and personal driver who doesn't often reveal much to the cameras. They want him to open up a bit in the hopes it will gain fans, despite him already having enough. Whenever I raise this concern with Alex he brushes me off,

"It's just a part of the job, I'm not changing in any way just becoming... more confident." Though I could tell he was lying, whilst he may prefer driving the redbull car he clearly prefers the lowkey lifestyle of torro rosso.

I turned over to face Alex who was pressing kisses up and down my neck in an effort to gain my attention.

"Hi." He whispered, softly pulling my hair through his fingers, giving it a slight twist.

I smiled and closed my eyes, savouring the moment as I knew it would be the last time I truly felt this. I sat up slowly and turned my lamp on, he frowned in confusion but quickly followed and did the same. He went to begin to talk but I softly cut him off,

"Alex I don't feel like this is working anymore."

"What isn't working anymore love, this hotel room? I'm sure they can move us to the suite if you want, I get what you mean or gets quite cold and Max has an even better room which is quite u fair but I guess he's been here for longer so-"

He began rambling but stopped when he saw the slight tears in my eyes,

"Y/N what's wrong." He asked earnestly, putting his hands onto my hips and sliding me along the bed closer to him before wiping my hair out of my face with a touch of loving-ness, a habit of his that made my heart flutter .

"I mean us, we feel distant, I feel like you're never here anymore!"

"What do you mean never here anymore! I'm at home when I can be and I always invite you to my races but you always say no!"

"I say no because I have things to do Alex, uni work and friends and family, I'm not ready to start dropping everything fly about the world with you!"

"Then I guess we're not right are we!"

He said it with a harsh tone, snatching his hands back off me and standing up from the bed, pacing angrily about the room.

"I'm not saying we're not right alex I'm just saying we might need a break and in a few months we can always see where we are in each other's life."

"So you'll use me then leave me then pick me up again?"
He spat angrily,

"That's not what I-"

"God I should of listened to Christian when he said a girlfriend was a distraction, should of done this a while ago." He muttered,

"Done this a while ago, so you think the same as mean, well in that case Alex I'm not doing this anymore I'm sorry."

I snap, also getting up, I began hastily throwing my things into the suitcase, picking anything up I see that's mine and shoving Alex's stuff to the side.

I zip the suitcase when it's full and shove the rest into my handbag but stop and sigh when two strong arms wrap around me and I feel Alex's jaw lean against my neck and a sweet kiss is pressed below my ear.

"I'm sorry y/n, you know I didn't mean that, just come back to bed." He whispers, turning me round and holding me in his arms, I slightly pull away and place my hands on his shoulders, I can't meet his eyes so I say it to the ground,

"Just leave if Alex...leave this relationship."

"You don't mean that." His voice breaks as he lifts my head and puts his lips on mine, his need for my contact seeping into the kiss. My tears slip onto both our lips as I whisper,

"Bye Alex, I'm so sorry."

I kiss him again but he doesn't react to it, he stands stone still and closes his eyes, allowing the last kiss to pass. I slide my hands down his arms and with one last look at his large brown eyes which were now swelling with tears and I make my way out of the hotel room. Who knows if it's for a month or two or maybe years but I know that for a while i con focus and myself, I've always lived by:

How can you love somebody else if you don't love yourself?