CORDIVILLA: Breathless

Chapter 58

Chapter 58

I was out of words. My heart is in the middle of a big chaos. His words are too much to swallow. Consequently, his words made my heart bloom.

Tumingala ako sa langit. Malalim ang narating ng aking pag-iisip. Sa katahimikan naming dalawa, ay inabala ko ang sarili sa mga maliliwanag na tuldok sa langit. I wished for enough, but heavens gave me more.

Noong umalis siya, sobrang sakit. My life then was dusted with regrets. I hated myself for hurting him. I had nightmares of my own mistakes. I was drowning in my own misery but I was able to keep myself from completely sinking.

Ang naging hiling ko na lamang ay, makita ko siya ulit at makahingi ng tawad. Hindi bale na ang puso kong siya pa rin ang isinisigaw, huwag ko lamang siyang masaktan ulit. Okay lang na ako iyong masaktan sa palihim kong pagmamahal sa kaniya, huwag ko lang ulit siyang masaktan dahil mas masasaktan ako kapag nangyari iyon.

But right now, he's in front of me, declaring his love. Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko. I'm both afraid and thrilled, and I feel like my emotions are overflowing to the point I might burst out.

"Veil, talk to me..."

Nilingon ko si Stan. Nakatitig siya sa akin. Ngayon, wala na ang space sa pagitan namin. Dumikit muli ang kaniyang hita sa akin. Nanubig ang aking mga mata. Sobra sobra itong nararamdaman ko.

"I... I don't k-know what to say," I said lowly.

He sighed and his eyes grew so tender that it melted me. He licked his lips and nodded. Huminga ako ng malalim.

"Hindi mo ba girlfriend si Bevez Larmino?" Mahina kong tanong.

He stared at me. Umigting ang kaniyang panga at nanliit ang mata sa tanong ko. Umiwas ako ng tingin. I just want to know, to clear my doubts. Because honestly, I don't know what too feel right now.

"Hindi." Diretso niyang sagot.

Tumango ako. Whether if he's saying the truth or not... somehow, I believe him. From the start, he was always true to his words.

"It was my ego. I don't want you to see that I'm still into you. I wanted you to think that I can be intimate with other girls. But I realized, you are more important to me than my ego. Kaya gusto ko nang ayusin ito." Aniya.

Napalunok ako kasabay ng pagkabog ng aking dibdib. It's shameful how my heart is so happy with what he said. Gusto kong kamuhian ang sarili ko dahil sa galak na nararamdaman.

Sobrang lalim ng tingin niya sa akin. Salubong ng bahagya ang kaniyang kilay at marahang sumasayaw ang buhok dahil sa hangin. Huminga ako ng malalim at iniwas ang tingin.

"Galit ka sa akin... are you trying to get back to me?" Suminghap ako at nilingon ulit siya.

He doesn't look threatened with my question. Tiningnan niya ako sa paraang parang ako itong nasaktan at hindi siya. He looked at me in a deep manner. He seems to be looking for something in my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I looked away, feeling a bit guilty of my question. Pero iyon ang nararamdaman ko ngayon at lulubusin ko na ang gabing ito. I want to be vulnerable. To clear my doubts.

"It's just that... nasaktan kita ng sobra. H-hindi... ako makapaniwalang hanggang ngayon, gano'n pa rin ang nararamdaman mo. Pasensya na kung nagdududa ako na baka gantihan mo ako... I'm s-sorry for thinking that way."

"Baby, look at me, please." He whispered.

Napapikit ako nang maramdaman ang daliri niya sa aking baba, inaangat ang mukha ko. I feel shameful. Ako na nga itong nakasakit sa kaniya, ako pa itong may ganang mag-isip ng gano'n! But what can I do? Those are my fears! I have hurt silently too and it traumatized me! It haunts me in my deepest sleep!