Guilty as Charged

2- Scenery

During break time, Namjoon, my so called desk partner, went out of the classroom. I didn't know what he did, nor did I care. But sitting there alone, didn't feel all that great either. I tried looking out the window to see the cherry blossom trees' beautiful rhythmic flow of flowers.

I took out my barely touched math notebook, and started to write my heart out.

I see you today on the street full of flowers

will it be in me?

A peaceful night by the sleeping moon,

I'm putting my feelings in the part after the early morning moon.

This song is headed for you.

I hear the sound of film from the moon at night

I still wonder, wonder hurtful story

I still wonder, wonder sad past

I still wonder, wonder fake glory.

"I don't know why, but the last three lines are crappy." In my mind, I flinched at the sudden sound. But my body responded to that as looking at Jimin and blurting out, "And? What do you want me to do about it?"

Crap! Fuck! Can I not ever change? Why am I like this?

"Oh I don't know, maybe... " Jimin snatched the gel pen out of my hand and crossed out the last three lines. Instead he put in,

I still wonder, wonder beautiful story

I still wonder, wonder best part

I still wonder, wonder next stor

Just as he snatched the pen away from my hand, I snatched it away before he finished writing. "This is my song, thank you very much. And can you not touch my stuff."

I can't stop talking like that.

"Song? Is this a song? I know a person who can turn this into a beautiful song." Jimin snatched the pen, now again, writing some crap down in my notebook.

Annoying.

This time, I snatched both my pen and my notebook away from him, tore the page out, crumpled it and threw it out the window.

"Now, scram!" I yelled at him.

Jimin looked hurt. I didn't care. I didn't want to get hurt again. Being a jerk is my way of defending myself.

As Jimin went back to his seat, I could feel the eyes of the remaining students in class on me, hating me for... the false mask that I have on.

"You really suck, man. I did never really know you personally, but I heard about you. I also heard about your accident. I think you deserve it, and I also think, you need to have another car accident." Namjoon said after he sat in his desk again after the bell rang.

He saw me yelling at Jimin, he saw the me that I am not, he saw everything, just like everyone else.

I didn't respond to his comment, I didn't know how to. But I knew in my mind that dying because of a car accident is better than being forced to drown in my horrible past again.

__________ . . . . . __________

School took fucking long to end. But when it did, it ended with a screaming rain outside. I'd expect myself to wait until the rain finished and then go home since I walked, but as much as I didn't want to be soaking wet as a dumped tea bag, I didn't want to be here more.

So I ran and stopped when I got inside my house. My mom didn't say anything, to be honest, she never said anything after I almost died in that car accident. I think she blames me for having a messed up life.