Guilty as Charged

24- Tree

I learned something else about Yoongi in school today, that he was a very good listener. The whole time I was bickering and whining about how my past was fucked up and how it was still fucking up my life, he didn't say one word. And I could tell he didn't zone out either. He was listening to me, like with full attention.

At the end of the lunch period, he told me to meet up in the music room after school. Apparently, he had something to give me. I, for one, like presents and surprises. So I was head over heels to meet up with him after school.

But that doesn't mean I am completely unbothered by everything that's been happening around me.

Not for a little bit, Jimin looked at me. Was Hoseok that convincing to him that now he will abandon me, just how quickly he made friends with me again?

And yes, I'm admitting that I did think of him as something other than just my classmate. I thought of him as the childhood bond that became only stronger over the past two years.

Though, we were completely out of touch in that time period.

But that doesn't matter. Once a friend, always a friend. Only if that friend didn't stab you in the back with full force. Then they can be your enemy.

I don't know what I'm saying anymore. All these messed up thoughts are because I couldn't get my mind off of yesterday up at Panda Express.

I was a mess of all kinds of emotions. I felt like Hoseok was right, but then again, he didn't have to go and tell the whole store about the false drug deal. And as for Jimin, why was he avoiding me if he thought I changed and that I deserved a second chance?

Did I already say, I get attached to people way too fast? Yeah, I also got attached to the other guys, including Jungkook, who was three years younger than I was. I miss those days when Namjoon and I roasted each other, when Jin Hyung would come over and crack some lame joke- laughing at his own joke and reminding me of my grandpa.

I miss when Yoongi would be bickering about equality and talk about dark stuff. I miss it when Jungkook would be a representation of youth between our group.

Now our group doesn't exist anymore. It only stays in my mind and whispers to me 'Stop caring so much'.

And I answer it 'Teach me how to.'

__________ . . . . . _________

I was thinking about all that stuff during the last period. Namjoon was sitting next to me, and we acted like we didn't know each other. He was being a good student and engaging in class, while I was being myself- staring outside the window.

Rain clouds flew across the whole sky, and a soft wind blew. How did I know? Because in middle school, before I got kicked out, my science teacher told me how you can know whether it's windy outside or not.

Just look at the trees.

And there was a cherry blossom tree near the window.

I could sense a storm coming.

Personally, I liked it when the weather changed. I hated what people consider good weather. The sun burns my skin no matter how strong or weak its rays are.

I am a person that likes to be kept cold. Maybe because I was a dead body. That's why I need to be kept cold at all times for me to fully function.

But dead bodies don't need to function.

Even I was surprised by what I was thinking at that moment. I was like 'Bro, I have gone cookoo' to myself.

So I asked the burning question to Namjoon instead.

He got annoyed when I interrupted him from his study mood and asked him an irrelevant question.

"No shit, they don't need to function. Unless you find another soul for that body to host, a dead body is pretty much...you know, dead?" He answered me with judgemental eyes.

I don't see why he needs to be frying up his mood upon me. I asked him a question that's worth thinking about, and he threw away the question, me, myself and my whole existence like they were some joke.

Maybe I am a joke.

Or maybe the whole world is a joke and I am a normal person.

Or maybe Namjoon is the one who's the joke.

So I called him a joke, earning myself Namjoon's "Your mom's a joke." comment.

I think that was unnecessary.

After that, Namjoon went up to his study mood again and we never talked to each other until the end of the period.

That was exactly when I realized I didn't know the way to the music room.

"Bro, didn't you go to Yoongi's the other day?" Namjoon asked me back when I asked him whether he knew the way to the music room or not.

"Listen boy, I don't got no time for you. Just tell me where it is and how to get there, and we will be on our ways."

"Yeah, unfortunately, your way is my way. Come with me, I'm headed that way." Namjoon hung his backpack on his right shoulder and wanted me to come along with him.

"Since when are you so nice?" I asked him, hanging my backpack over my shoulders.

It was fucking heavy as hell.

"I'm not nice, well not to you in a hundred years. I know you'll go around embarrassing yourself in front of other people and my name will go down the drain." Namjoon led the way and I was following him, completely clueless of what the hell he just said.

"Why would your name go down the drain?"

"Bitchass because I'm your desk partner, unfortunately. If you mess something up, people will say 'Isn't that Namjoon's desk buddy? The hell is Namjoon teaching this asshole?'." Namjoon's reasoning, for the first time, had no real root to it and I was just there confused like my life depends on it.

"Well, I didn't ask to be your desk partner." I tried to keep the conversation going.

"Yeah like your mom didn't ask for you to be born."

"Bro, you really need to chill with the mom jokes."

"Yeah, I know. I am just trying to make you feel like crap."

"Thanks. I don't always feel that."

"You're welcome."

__________ . . . . . __________

Yoongi was waiting outside the music room. He looked like he was anxious for some reason. He was tapping his right foot on the ground and his arms were folded on his chest.

"School ended ten minutes ago. Did you take a trip to hell or something?" He exclaimed annoyingly when I finally arrived.

"You're exaggerating. School ended eight minutes ago." Namjoon walked off after he showed me the way to the music room, leaving Yoongi no chance to respond back.

"Yeah, I'm so exaggerating." Though Yoongi did answer Namjoon under his breath.

"So what surprise do you have for me?" I was anxious too and if I had a surprise to give somebody, I would be fidgeting like Yoongi was at that moment.

Yoongi looked at me like I was crazy. Then he arched his left eyebrow, saying "I told you I had something to give you, not a surprise for you. No wonder you're Kim Namjoon's desk buddy."

Today nobody's reasoning made sense to me.

And dang. Namjoon was right. His name did go down the drain because of me.

Though I'll make sure it goes deep down.