Remember when I said I hate my body?. Despised it due to the fact that I've had children, 3 I've had 3 children, and only one survived, and because of the scars, that were still there, even the ones that weren't showing, they all were still there.
Looking up at the white ceiling and fluorescent lights I played with my gown while waiting for the doctor to come back in and proceed with the procedure
I couldn't do it. I couldn't keep this baby, I didn't want too. And if I don't want to why should I bring something I don't want into this world? Atleast not right now
I didn't even know if I could carry this baby, the doctor said I could have a miscarriage since I've had trouble with pass pregnancies, why would I want to risk it?
I'd rather make the choice of doing this myself and knowing what I'm doing, I mean, I didn't really know what I was doing but I did.
The only issue I had right now was my mental, when I walked into the hospital I saw Atleast 3 women who were probably passed 8 months alongside a husband or a boyfriend, and they looked happy
I also saw a bunch of babies, moms holding babies, breastfeeding the babies, making the baby laugh and holding them. I didn't get those memories, I barely got those memories with leyanna
I wanted them, but I knew I wouldn't get them, my body obviously couldn't undergo so much stress...
Being here messed with my mental also because I'm in the same position I was in the other two times
My first time, laying on the hospital bed, while getting a unborn fetus pulled out of me at 15, which may or may not have been my stepfathers child, I don't know.
My second, in the hospital alone most of the time without Lucas with me, Mani and Liyah there, I don't even wanna kid, I wasn't even there
Atleast not my head, I was somewhere else when I gave birth to leyanna, somewhere scary, imagine having a child after losing one a couple years back.
And my 3rd, i didn't want to go through that again, I don't want anyone going through that, and now, I'm sitting here, in a hospital bed, down in the AB clinic part of the hospital, getting ready to take a innocent life away
Or whatever it is. That's what the news always says, and pro life people, innocent lives, I never understood that and I still don't, I won't understand how pro life people and people who don't support abortions tell you your taking away an innocent love of an unborn baby but have no issue with the young high-school lives being taken inside schools, that should be sanctuary, or the kids who are in cages without parents living somewhere they are foreign too, they never care about that, those are the lives they don't care about but when it comes to my unborn child all hell breaks loose
The door to the room opened and I looked over seeing the doctor Angie and Jaliyah
"Hi baby, how are you feeling sweetie?" Angie walked over hugging me
"I'm feeling, okay...nervous"
"Oh you have nothing to be nervous about honey" Jaliyah said "it's going to be okay, alright?"
YOU ARE READING
Bloom in the rain
FanfictionIf i had only known you'd give just one thing to me, It was your promise on our wedding day-the one didn't keep. You promised you would cherish me until we both grew old, The only vows you took to heart was "To Have" and "To Hold". "To Have" me? I...
