Bloom in the rain

Chapter 4, Ep 59. REPEAT.

2 weeks later...

It's been 2 weeks since Jordynn decided the fate of her unborn child, in those two weeks she has yet to tell David she even pregnant to begin with

She didn't know how, and didn't want to, she didn't think it was right to tell someone she was pregnant with their baby and when they're excited or not to tell them she already decided the ultimate fate of the child

But she was taking it hard, she was told she would have postpartum depression and guilty feelings for a while but her feelings weren't her postpartum, it was her health

She wasn't okay, her mental state was somewhere between lost and confused, she didn't know how to feel, it didn't feel right to feel sad about something you had control over, and that you could've prevented

A lot of the time she thought about the possibility of keeping the baby, and what would happen if the baby made it, would her and David be together, would the baby look like her or him, Will leyanna like having a little sibling, things like that, they were on her mind heavily, would the baby lead her to a better state of mind, would the baby help her move on from her past, would the baby be her savior.

And the other times she thought about the worst, what if she had a miscarriage, would that effect her life? Would her mental health go farther down the drain than it already is? How would David react if he found out she was pregnant by her having a miscarriage?

Would it ruin their relationship, would he not want to deal with her, would he leave, or the worst, what if she regretted having the baby?

What if her mental state deteriorated from the late nights with the baby, and the memories of having nick and leyanna, and not knowing how to do certain things, would she regret her decision of keeping the baby when the baby was 4? 5? 16?. She hated thinking that way, but it was possible...

Jordynn didn't know but David knew something was wrong with her, you spend enough time around one person, you get an idea of them, and he knew her, not like the back of his hand but enough to know that she wasn't expressing emotions, he tried getting her out of the house and going places with her, trying to go on more dates to finish their date list but she doesn't want to leave, only to go see leyanna and that's it, and she could barely go do that, only because leyanna was in a therapeutic wing and she had to focus on being able to function again

I guess being with David made her more self aware, she knew her mental was draining again, back to how it was with Lucas dealing with the pregnancies, except that was the normal, with David, it wasn't, her dreams were getting worse, dreams about past things she didn't want to remember, dreams about her step father, Lucas, her other pregnancies, her parents deaths, and back to the night when leyanna was shot.

She expressed those emotions, in her songs, not with many actions of sadness or talking, that's how she expressed feelings through music, through words and poems, which is why for her argumentative speech class she was writing a story about her life, kind of like s biopic, documentary of herself, and a poem to go with, she didn't want to make it so so real, she didn't want to go to a school therapist or anything, she didn't like therapy. Lucas never went, he went once and came back angrier.

Sitting in class Jordynn rapped her leg quickly while the teacher was speaking

"Guys I want you to share a little piece of yourself today, this class is small, only 20 people, you all have successful careers, musicians, actors, writers, directors all of that, social media knows you all, but we don't know each other, and we need too. So I want you to share some of yourself today, and this is how we're going to do it, 2 arguments! You guys can pick the two topics and I'll call on whoever I please, this is class discussion, and please do not walk out last class period a lady left the room because someone said she's not ugly because she's white she's ugly because she's ugly, please do not do that or SAY that! We don't attack people by any thing they cannot control, so give me two topics!"