Bloom in the rain

Chapter 2, Ep 28. Throwback

"Get off of me! Get the fuck off me!" Jordynn yelled while she was being held down on the kitchen floor by Lucas

He came home drunk, like always. And continued messing with jordynn while she was trying to sleep and they ended up arguing

"Get off me!" She yelled trying to get him off her her upper body as he was sitting her trying to hit her but she blocked as many hits as she could

"Stop fucking playing with me jordynn!" He yelled "you tryna duck other niggas?! Huh?! I ain't good enough for yo ass?! I'm the only person you have!"

"Get off me!" She punched him square in the face and he fell off her, she scrambled to get up and ran upstairs as he rubbed his nose

When she got upstairs she knocked on leyannas door which was instructed to be locked if she heard anything going on, the door opened and she saw Leyanna with red puffy eyes standing there..

"Mommy are you okay?"

"I'm fine baby, I'm fine, mommy's fine, we uhm, we're just dealing with something, right now I need you to go lay in your closet." She said walking in quickly and grabbing her bedsheets and throwing them in her closet to comfort her when Leyanna sat on the floor

"Mommy I don't like the closet, it scares me. What if someone comes in and hurts me mommy?" She said holding on her leg, jordynn kneeled down to her trying to wipe the tears from her face "baby, no ones gonna hurt you, no ones going too. I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you alright?" Leyanna nodded clutching the stuffed animal her father bought her for her 4th birthday

"Just go in the closet, and I'll be in to come and lay with you Alright? It'll be a cool little sleep over" she said trying to make Leyanna fee better, but she was 4, not dumb.

She picked her up and put her in the closet "don't come out at all, at all baby" she said making Leyanna nod, she closed the door and walked out of her room quietly closing the bedroom door, she went downstairs to see Lucas was sitting in the couch watching tv, she slowly walked over and he looked st her

"The fuck you down here for? Ready to punch me in my shit again? Annoying ass bitch"

"...I'm sorry...I didn't mean too.."

"Yea sure you didn't. I don't understand you, if you say you finna leave then fucking leave, AINT nobody stopping yo ass, I'm just being real with you, ain't nobody out there looking for your ass. But you can leave if you want, find yourself a lil drug dealer, probably end up dead or on crack"

"Luca-" "why you always tryna leave so bad? Huh?" He asked getting up

"I don't want t-" "then why you say the shit?" He asked getting in her face

"Always talking about how you gonna go to manis house, or stay with Liyah, they ain't finna take care of you forever, I am. They don't give a fuck about you like I do. And you always saying that shit, im the only nigga you loved, well why the fuck you tryna leave the only person you've ever loved?! That ain't fucking love!"

He continued yelling in her face, and he was right, it wasn't love.

Jordynn didn't love him, jordynn didn't want him, jordynn didn't need him, but the way she was raised, she thought she did need him, and she thought she did love him.

She thought that what they had was pure love, but it wasn't, it was pure hatred. And she didn't know why he was like this, because in highschool, he was sweet, and funny and caring toward her, then when they got to college he was a bit more aggressive and possessive...

And after his sister passed away, something in him changed, like he was a new human being, at least to jordynn she thought he was a new human, but he wasn't, he was the same Lucas with the same mindset and the same evil tendencies

"I said I'm sorry. I don't want to leave you"

"You shouldn't want too, I'm all you got anyways, I love you, and you love me, and how many people out there saying I love you to you?" He asked

She shrugged and he nodded "exactly, AINT nobody telling you that shit, AINT NOBODY out there saying they love you or they want you, only me...and you know it's true, obviously your parents didn't give a fuck about you or else they wouldn't of done the stupid shit they did"

Lucas was the only person jordynn told the story of her parents too, it was something she didn't like talking about so sharing it was a lot for her

And he always pushed it in her face, like it was a joke to himself

Always talking about she's as stupid as her mom was, or she's gonna end up like her dad...and it hurt because she possibly might end up like them,
Dead.

"Don't call my parents stupid you didn't even know them"

"You told me about them the fuck you talking about?! Yo daddy had a whole other family out here and got shot the fuck up while y'all l was at dinner, and to stupid ass momma died cause she wanted to be stupid and marry some Big breeding ass nigga. Don't be mad at me because that nigga wanted a piece of yo ass"

She pushed him as he laughed

It wasn't funny, there was no joke.

She was only 7 the first time she has ever had intercourse. It was right when her parents divorced and her mother remarried, the first night they met each other he decided to leave a imprint on jordynn

And it continued all the way up until jordynn could move out and go to college

"Don't be pushing on me because yo ass got stuck with a shitty ass childhood."

"I'm not doing this, im going to sleep." She started heading upstairs

"Go then, ain't nobody care, cause I sure as hell don't"

She made her way into leyannas room and shut the door, she opened the closet door to see Leyanna was still away and clutching her stuffed animal still

"Baby your still up?" She asked laying next to her in the closet, closing the door.

"I couldn't sleep mommy. I wanted to go to sleep with you next to me"

Leyanna pulled the blanket up on jordynn and she smiled "are you comfy?" Leyanna asked her "yes I'm comfy baby" Leyanna laid in her arms in the dark and passed out as jordynn heard multiple things breaking from downstairs, she held onto Leyanna tighter and moved her gently toward the wall so she wasn't so close to the closet door and tried going to sleep

But all she could think about was her parents, both of them dying when she was young, she didn't understand how people can do such horrible things to people, and st the same time, she didn't know what she was going thru was as bad

You would think she knows how the relationship is, abusive right?.

To her? It was normal, to her? It was what a functioning relationship was like until one of them died, she didn't really get to grow up with her parents being together, it was always her mother and Dante

So that's the type of relationships she grew up with, it was never love, always just pain.

She didn't know what it felt like to be loved.