FALLIN' ALL IN YOU (Completed)

Chapter 43

Two naked men laid next to each other satiated, and exhausted. Each lost in deep thought.

Arthit recounts what has just happened. He had said 'I love you' to Kongpob. He couldn't hold himself back. The 8 letter words burst out of him at the sight of Popeye making Kongpob's room his own. Now, he is left facing the consequences of these words. He wasn't ready for rejection, and thank God Kongpob didn't reject him.

The problem really isn't even with Kongpob, but himself. He wasn't ready to admit the fact that he has so easily fallen for another person so soon. What if this is just a rebound? That wouldn't be fair to Kongpob. Kongpob deserves better than that from him. But it's all too late now. The damage has been done. He has already put that out in the universe.

No one has ever cared so much about him, or tried to understand him like Kongpob. Kongpob doesn't expect anything from him. He doesn't force him to change or do anything in return. Kongpob is too good to be true. He still can't believe a guy like Kongpob likes him back.

Seeing Kongpob go to such lengths to make him happy made him realize that he was making Kongpob sad. He doesn't know what Kongpob sees in him, or why Kongpob does what he does. But he did see the glimpse of hurt and disappointment in Kongpob's eyes when he said he was going to move out.

He didn't want to acknowledge the fact that his heart is telling him to just embrace Kongpob's affection. But Kongpob has made room in his heart for him, and he has even made room for Popeye. He couldn't deny his feelings anymore, no matter how premature their relationship is. How do you not love a guy that loves you and your dog? He smiles to himself. He is doomed.

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The reason why Kongpob is always confident and cool about everything is because he keeps everyone at arm's length. Nobody ever gets to him. He doesn't ever let himself get close enough to anyone to get hurt. He kept himself too busy to let anyone even get on his calendar.

There's a reason no one was ever allowed to stay the night. He didn't want to get attached to anyone, and he definitely didn't want anyone to get attached to him. No small talks the morning after. No awkward goodbyes or follow-ups. He's not those love'em and leave'em guys. He straight up let them know there's no love involved from the get go. It's all carnal needs, nothing more, nothing less. Take it or leave it. He is well aware of his own appeal, and many are more than willing to take it for what it is.

If no one was there for him when he needed a shoulder to cry on back then, he surely doesn't need anyone now. Arthit was the exception. He was an accident that hit him in the blindspot. A serendipity one can say.

Arthit's "I love you" was unexpected though. He was frozen in his spot. He doesn't take those words lightly. He hasn't said those words to anyone for so long that it's not even part of his vocabulary. Looking into Arthit's eyes, he knew Arthit meant it. And if he is honest with himself, he is happy to hear it, albeit scared.

Was he ready to say the same? Would it hold any truth if he said it? He did fly all the way to another country to bring him home. Even though he didn't actually run away, but that's besides the point. He did want to erase all bad memories Arthit had in the past. He did take it upon himself to seek justice against Chet when Chet hasn't done anything to him personally. But that scumbag deserves a slap from everyone and anyone. And then there's Popeye. Why did he want to make sure Arthit got Popeye back? It's because he doesn't want to see Arthit worried and sad.

So, is this love? How can he say it if he is not even certain? Arthit deserves sincerity. So, instead of just saying 'I love you' back to him, he opted to ask Arthit if he would be his boyfriend. It was still not an easy feat for him. He was just as afraid of being rejected, especially when Arthit had said he was going to move out despite spending the last three days together.