Genesis

Thank you, next !

It's been 3 months and it still feels like the day he left. I have never felt this type of pain before. Why walk away when we need each other right now. Was it something I did? Something I said? I know I gained a little extra weight since the baby but I thought he would've liked it. All these thoughts on why he just didn't love me anymore made me sick to my stomach. I hopped off the bed and ran to the toilet. Emptying my stomach into the toilet bowl I start to break down and cry. FUCK. This shit hurt. The day's turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months and my life stood still. I didn't wanna work, hang with friends or be seen. Just me and my tink locked away in our room. I don't want nobody around but him and since he chose to walk away from us then I don't want shit to do with nobody.

Bang bang bang

I turn over and look at the clock. It said is was 4 p.m but I couldn't tell because of the dark curtains I put up in my room. Ignoring the door I roll back over and cuddle with My daughter. The banging went on for 30 minutes before a foot connected with the corner of my door. A few kicks and my door swing open.

"Get your ass out this bed and give me my niece." Darren walks over to my bed and picks up my daughter.

"Get up and wash ya ass Gen. NOW!" My mother walks in behind him and sits o. The bed beside me. She leans over and starts rubbing my hair.

"Stop yelling at her. Baby you have to get up okay? This room stinks and my grandchild deserves more than what your doing." I know they are right. But how can I pretend that half of me isn't dead ? I sit up and stretch and look around the room. I had old take out containers all over the floor ripped up pictures and clothes that belonged to him and the jewelry he gave me. My room looked exactly how I felt. Without saying a word I stood up and went into my bathroom to shower. I cut it on to the hottest temperature and let the water cascade down my body. I let every emotion , every pain, every ounce of anger flow out of me through the water. I knew that I couldn't go on like this. Today would be the last day I allowed my self to cry and hurt over a nigga that can just up and leave me like some random bitch he fucked. I cried for what seemed like an hour until the water turned cold. I washed up , rinsed off then stepped out the shower. Looking at myself in the mirror I didn't recognize what I saw. My eyes were black and sunken in. My lips were dry and my skin was pale. I cannot let a nigga knock me off my game like this. I optioned and moisturizer my body from head to toe. Walking back into my room it looked brand new. My mom got rid of the junk that cluttered my floor, made my bed and opened the curtains.

"Where is Layah ?"

"Darren took her with him to get dinner. How you feel?"

"Numb."

"It's okay to feel that way punkin. He did what he thought was the right thing for you."

"How the fuck is leaving me with a damn new born "the right thing for me ?" I roll my eyes and cross my arms waiting on an answer.

"Now little girl I know you going through the things. But if yo ass THOUGHT you was gonna cuss when speaking to me you out your damn mind." She was right. I was starting to lose my damn mind. I got a baby now. I can't let her see her mother act this way over no nigga, even if it's her daddy. Today I make myself a promise. That from this point on, no tears will shed for this nigga, no love will be shared for this nigga. I'm back on my bullshit .

These few months have been Hellish. At first I thought I was doing the right thing by letting her live her life, but I can't lie, a nigga miserable. I walk out my cell and as I head to the yard 2 big ass niggas head straight to me. I prepare myself to beat somebody ass but instead they reached they hand out for a dap and said "here this from D." We embrace each other and I take the cell phone from the nigga hand. I look around to see if any cops were around and then I slid off into a broom closet that we use to do our transactions in. I powered it on and dialed Gen number. I got sick to my stomach when the automatic messaging machine came on notifying me that she changed her number. Hanging up I dial Darren number and he answered on the second ring.

"Wassup my ?" Darren asked me.

"I can't call it my nigga, wassup wit you?"

"Nothin, just Coolin." The line got quiet for a little so I decided to ask the question I'm pretty sure he knew was coming. "How is she?" The question came with so much uncertainty that I instantly wanted to take it back.

"How you think she doin? Not to good. She sick as fuck. If it was any other nigga you know you would've been dead, but I understand why you did it.  I still hate to see for my baby sis to hurt." The words cut me like a knife. I never wanted to be the person to cause her any pain.

"I love your sister and my daughter. They the only two people a nigga can think about. But I what type of man would I be if I sit and make them wait for me? Stop they life waiting on me? Nah fuck that. They'll understand eventually. I love her too much to do that to her. Darren agreed and changed the subject to business. A knock on the door let me know a guard was coming so I had to hang up and sneak back out without being seen. So many thoughts running through my head but 1 keeps jumping out at me. What if she start fuckin with another nigga? That's the part I didn't prepare for. I'm NOT prepared for.