Project Phobos by @Lancaster702
Tense jumps were a HUGE problem. Stick to past tense wherever you can, please.
Comma splices too - no two sentences should be joined with a comma.
More description would really have worked. I feel like you were giving very bland descriptions that didn't go into detail.
I'll tag you in a critique where I showed someone else how to format dialogue correctly.
Commas before names.
Questions needs question marks. :)
You need to have a bit more of a think about characterisation. These characters didn't have much substance - really hone into detail and it will bring the writing to life.
Like the setting, though.
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Critiques 2 [CLOSED FOR CATCH UP]
RandomCLOSED FOR CATCH UP Want some honest, un-sugarcoated, constructive feedback? Come on in! I would love to help you out! This is my second critique book and a direct continuation. Please refer to this one instead of the old one.
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