Critiques 2 [CLOSED FOR CATCH UP]

#216 Leather And Lace

Leather And Lace by @Vampiresrule109

A brilliant start - I could tell this would have potential.

Small typos but they can be easily fixed.

Some dialogue problems and how to format the punctuation around it. I'll tag you in a critique where I explain to others how to format dialogue properly. You also need a bit of work on having dashing to interrupt dialogue.

I found having both Jackson and Jason really confusing. Maybe change the names.

Numbers spelled out completely look more formal.

I found the chapters were too long and dragged a little. If you split them to shorter ones, they can be a lot more engaging (not saying the chapters are bad, just saying you'll get more reader satisfaction if they're shorter.) For example in chapter one you can cut it from where Ace is driving to Pete's, starting a new chapter from there.

Basic grammar was sometimes a little all over the place. Remember to only have capitals at the beginning of sentences!

Apostrophes of possession.

I liked the character of Ace. I liked how he was impersonal and stoic - worked well. The plot and description was excellent.

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