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CLOSED FOR CATCH UP Want some honest, un-sugarcoated, constructive feedback? Come on in! I would love to help you out! This is my second critique book and a direct continuation. Please refer to this one instead of the old one.

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#198 Silence

63 8 21

by xanabanana66x

by xanabanana66x

Silence by @ur_favouritexx

A good tense start that intrigued me.

I found you had too many unnecessary commas that were splitting clauses and that didn't need to be there.

The prologue could have been even more tense as there's a lot more potential. Maybe include more desperation in Zeal's call with the cops - that could be a good place to start.

I felt like there wasn't enough evidence as to why Bennie was so strange. To me she just seemed like a really shy kid. Maybe add something that's more strange because otherwise Lisa's tantrum seems justified.

I'll tag you in a critique where I explain to someone else how to format dialogue correctly.

Brilliantly formed descriptions.

Don't use semi colons as commas.

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