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Critiques 2 [CLOSED FOR CATCH UP]

Sonstiges

CLOSED FOR CATCH UP Want some honest, un-sugarcoated, constructive feedback? Come on in! I would love to help you out! This is my second critique book and a direct continuation. Please refer to this one instead of the old one.

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#205 Shadow

24 3 14

by xanabanana66x

by xanabanana66x

Shadow by @totally_not_nerdy

I'll tag you in a post where I explain how to format dialogue properly.

Too many ellipses.

I found the plot relatively cliche (with the being a spy and those tropes).

More detail into Aaliyah's background would be great as she felt a bit flat. If you added more, it'll help flesh it out.

In addition to that, I feel Aaliyah, for being a spy, really wasn't in character. A spy would be a lot more judging of a situation and not hang around as much.

Some good levels of description.

Unnecessary chit chat between characters that serves no purpose to the plot (espc. Josh).

Commas splices can be fixed with either a semi colon or a full stop.

Numbers spelled out in full look more formal.

Remember that this is a critique, NOT a criticism. Please spread the word!

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